My birthday is coming up this Friday; I'll be turning 29, which feels like it should be ominous, but really isn't. I guess the anxiety will start to hit a year from now when I realize that I'll be turning 30. Then I might have to make some life changes.
Last year, I had a little celebration for my birthday. I sent out a notice to my family and a few of my friends that had been inspired by something my mother had done. One day, we were at my sister's house discussing plans for the day. It was still breakfast time, and my mother had no milk for her cereal, so she said, to the best of my memory:
"You may pick me up a gallon of milk from the grocery store"
as if it were a great honor that she was bestowing on me. I was so amused by this that I responded excitedly:
"May I?!?!"
And we all had a good laugh at my mother's expense. The phrase still stuck with me, and inspired this invitation to last year's birthday party, an email titled "A celebration for the ages!":
First there was nothing...
then there was James!
Bear witness to the man behind the legend as he celebrates the culmination of the 28th year of his gracious presence on the Earth. You would be honored to attend his birthday celebration at Kanki restaurant in Durham at 8:00 pm on Thursday, September 15, 2005 (http://www.kanki.com/). Enrich your own dull lives with tales of his heroic exploits over the years. Feel like a part of history as the story of his many triumphs unfolds before you. Allow him to touch your heart and free your mind as he has done for countless millions before you. While the offering of gifts is by no means mandatory, James understands that a tangible token of one's gratitude can suffice when even the words of the great poets fail to convey the heartfelt joy and ephoria that James has shone upon your soul like the piercing rays of the morning sun. Should words fail you, James can forward you a list of trinkets that amuse him.
P.S. Be prepared to pay for your own meal, as The Chosen does not deign to pay for the meals of The Unwashed, especially so many Unwashed (While God has gifted upon James a great many gifts, unfortunately he has not blessed James with great wealth, lest he become immodest).
This year, I don't know what I'm doing, but I know what I want to do. I want to find a party store where I can pick up a cape and scepter and crown, because I play to make sure everybody knows that I'm King for the day. Of all of the holiday's, I like birthdays the best, because they're a time for celebration and presents, but really nobody else gets to share in the glory. Everyone else is insignificant and their opinions don't count. This is true on every day, but on my birthday, people have to face facts. Do you know that you cease to exist when I'm not conceiving of you? It's sad to hear, but it's true.
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4 comments:
I have a tiara you can borrow, if you PROMISE to get it back to me unscathed.
Actually, I picked up a crown at Party City. I couldn't find a proper scepter, but this diamond-tipped pimp cane will suffice.
this is Buzz. i might get you Okami for your next birthday. how much is it?
your nephew, buzz
Hey Buzz,
The good thing about the uncle-nephew dynamic is that gifts only need to go one way, from uncle to nephew. I never got any of my aunts or uncles anything when I was your age. On the other hand, we lived far away and there was enough of a generation gap that I never did hang out with them.
Anyway, by the time September rolls around, I expect Okami will be in the Greatest Hits collection and $20 or less. By that point, I should have a Wii, provided the radio stations aren't still hogging them for their promotions.
You got an email address? You should drop me a line - my email address is (first name)(last initial)@(last initial)software.com.
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