The Rabbert Hole

Dusting off the Old Blog

2010-04-15T22:55:00.002-04:00

It's been quite a while since I wrote last, so let me just catch up for a second.

The old blog used to be centered around funny observations, venting anger, and politics. I'm not quite as angry as I used to be, and I don't care about politics as much as I used to, but hopefully, I've still got some funny in me.

So the Democrats got the House, the Senate, and the Oval Office. Fat lot of good it did them for the longest time, but they managed to get some form of healthcare reform passed, which is quite an achievement, even if it turns out to be a bad idea. I'd almost be inclined to swing to the other end of the political spectrum if I hadn't lost faith in them entirely. Kinda miss Bush, Sr., or even Bob Dole. At least those I never got the impression that I was being pandered to.

So, life's really changed. I bought a house, got divorced (or at least en route; in my neck of the woods, I need to be seperate for a year before I can complete a divorce), and wound up dating the girl I'd always wanted to be with. Who knew? At any rate, I need to get back into the swing of being creative, so here goes. Hopefully, tomorrow, I can come up with a topic.

The origin of black holes

2008-04-15T18:32:00.002-04:00

At lunch today, I discussed an article that has been passed around about a new supercollider in development that had the potential to trigger the discovery of new subatomic particles. It also has the (acknowledged to be true by its developers) minute chance of creating a black hole that could consume the Earth.

This possibility seems to provoke one of two reactions from people:

1. "Why the hell would you want to create something that had even the slightest chance of killing all known life?!?!"

2. "Oh, cool. Yeah, why not?"

I belong to the latter group. I mean, there's always the possibility of some real discoveries arising from this - not just new particles that nobody cares about except fringe lunatic scientists, but maybe they'll find a new energy source or something useful.

There's also a feeling that I started to feel that I haven't felt since the end of the Cold War. I was just on the cusp of a generation of Americans that grew up with a Doomsday mindset. The logical thing to think at that time of nuclear deterrence was that eventually, one of us was going to make a mistake and launch a missile, triggering a domino effect of world-wide apocalypse. Sure, it was a little scary, but it was fun, too, and it kind of freed you, to some degree, from the responsibility of your actions. If we're all likely to die in some nuclear disaster, you think, what does it matter what I do today? My wife is 5 years younger than I and doesn't remember this mentality - this thrilling game of Global Chicken - a Mexican standoff where we had nuclear missiles instead of pistolas pointed at each others head.

It reminded me very much of Dr. Strangelove, and how I loved that movie. The brilliance of that movie was the comedy that played out from the advocates of the brutal logic of nuclear deterrence - everything that every character said made sense with respect to the context it was in (except for the Purity of Essence speech by General Ripper, which was pure comedic gold), but if you look at it from the outside, you can see the silly suicidal pact that it was.

Anyway, as I was mulling over the idea of parallel universes and in how many parallel universes we would be creating this supercollider and accidentally killing ourselves in, of all things, an esoteric scientific experiment gone wrong, a funny thought occurred to me.

What if all the black holes that we see out there now are remnants of ancient civilizations, whose evolution followed the same course as ours until they decided to create their own supercolliders and turn on that button?

The idea amuses me so much that I've decided it must be true. And we're next! Off to oblivion!

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when...

Books on Tape

2008-04-09T18:12:00.002-04:00

I've been considering creating my own books on tape for some time now, having been motivated by a few factors:

1. I've been told that I have a good clear voice for audio recordings. I have no real accent to speak of (although I may have a subtle Southern accent at this point).

2. I'd like to promote some of my favorite works; perhaps even listen to my own recordings.

3. I've heard some less than impressive recordings, and I'm beginning to think anyone can do it.

One of my favorite series of books (the Rex Stout books about Nero Wolfe) has been recorded onto several books on tape, but I don't like the recordings. The reader has a strong, clear voice, but all the characters sound the same. All the men have this deep, rich, ultramasculine radio voice, and the narrator in these stories is more of a fast-talking wise guy.

I listened for a bit to a friends recording of "Ender's Shadow", a parallel story to Ender's Game. I learned of a character in the story named, as the narrator pronounced it, "A-shiel", like "a shield" without the d. Just today, I finally got around to reading the book on print, and I found the character's name on the page as:

Achilles

Finally, I downloaded a copy of "The Cask of Amontillado" from iTunes, and I found the reader's interpretation to be a bit over the top. Maudlin, and not intimidating, like the main character is.

So I think I'm going to start with that, and try recording my own audiobooks - to see if I have any talent.

I do have a few reservations, though:

1. I'm a bit shy. If I'm going to be doing character voices and imitations, I don't want anyone listening in on me while I do it. It's not just that I want to do it in privacy, I don't want anyone to eavesdrop or interrupt me - which is odd, because the point of this will be to share the recordings. I don't really have the privacy or the recording equipment at home, so I'd have to do it after work, after hours, but late enough that I'm not interrupting anyone who's working late.

2. There's also the time investment. I've been trying to get to the gym now, and get out more, and eat earlier, so my evenings lately have been extremely busy.

3. I also stumble frequently in regular speech, when I have a lot to say, even when it's not a prepared speech. I'd have to do recordings in short bursts and splice them together, and that might be more trouble than it's worth.

I'll have to weigh these reservations against the benefits. If it's anything like I've been doing, reservations will win out.

Perhaps if I had a demanding public, I'd feel the drive to get it done. Do I have any supporters out there?

Self Improvement

2008-04-02T18:29:00.002-04:00

I have been spending a considerable amount of time trying to improve my mental health in the past few years. I don't just mean sanity and happiness here, I mean that I'm trying to keep myself clear headed, well rested, and not so angry anymore. All of this has led to little experimentations with my daily routines - going to bed earlier, going for a walk in the evenings, kicking coffee, reading books at lunch, writing in this blog to vent my frustration and stimualte my creativity - I even gave up meat for the month of January to see if I could live without it.

I'm trying to do these things without relying on any stimulants to get me through - like coffee. It's not that I'm one of these herbal remedy people who insist on an all natural solution ot anything, but I'm of the opinion that anything you take to get you through a short term fix - caffeine, sleeping pills, alcohol - is the kind of thing you eventually build a tolerance to. Which is fine until you have to go without. So I'll use these things, but try not to make a habit out of it (except for alcohol, vis a vis beer, which I drink regularly for the taste, but I can go without and not crave it).

I try not to do anything that I hate, unless I ease myself into it.

Odd favorite lines

2008-03-27T18:27:00.002-04:00

I find that there are lines in movies or games that I am strangely drawn to as mantras. In most cases, the sentiment that they are literally expressing is mundane, but there is some hint of a dual meaning, or otherwise. I'll try to compile a list of some of my favorites here:

From Batman Begins:

Bruce Wayne: "You aren't Ra's al Ghul. I watched him die"
Henri Ducard, revealing himself to be the true Ra's al Ghul: "But is Ra's al Ghul immortal? Are his methods supernatural?" (the delivery on this line was good)
Henri Ducard: "You haven't beaten me. You have sacrificed sure footing for a killing stroke."

From No Country for Old Men:

Anton Chigurh: "Let me ask you something. If your rule led you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Actually, that's all I can think of at the moment, but there have been others. I'll follow up if I remember.

Difficulties

2008-03-26T18:29:00.002-04:00

The difficulty in forcing myself to write something every day, or more specifically, every work day, is that I'm often mentally exhausted at the time that I'm writing. And usually, the type of humor that I have is reactionary - a glib reaction in response to some stimulus or outside force. But left to my own devices, I can't create new material easily.

Someday I will devote a post to Nero Wolfe, which is the series of books that I have been escaping to lately, as well as to an era in general of an idealized past. I wonder how many other generations looked at the world of their youth, or of their parents or grandparents, and pined for a simpler time - even when times were simpler.

On the one hand, I look forward to some aspects of the future. In my lifetime I think we will reach a singularity, that is some point where suddenly scientific progress is built upon itself in an exponential rate, probably as a result of artificial intelligence that is capable of improving it's own intellectual capacity. I envision a future when society is radically altered - where world hunger is no longer a concern, energy is limitless, work is optional, and immortality (at least the defeat of the aging process) is achieved.

Which leads me to wonder if my generation is the lowest generation - that is, we will have been accustomed to all of modern society's worst ills - isolation, materialism, and moral ambiguity - before the advent of a new age. Most literature and fiction in general, when confronted with the possibility of a utopia, seems to reject the concept outright - the more common story is of a utopia cracking at the seams or Utopian society post-collapse. Which suggests to me that people do not want to believe it's possible to escape their moral failings - perhaps if they're irrevocably tied to them then they are justified in having them.

I'd like to think I can be perfect. Just because it hasn't been achieved, that doesn't mean it isn't possible.

Something clever...

2008-03-25T19:29:00.002-04:00

I'm pressed for time, so I cannot offer a full contribution. Instead, a puzzle for any of my readers.

Three men are led into a room. They are each told before they enter the room that somone may or may not have written a funny mark in pen on their forehead, but there are no mirrors in the room to tell whether or not this was the case.

After all three men enter the room, they all begin laughing at the marks thy see. After some time, one of the men, who sees both of the others are marked, realizes that his forehead must be marked as well, and reaches up to wipe his head.

How does he know?

What's fair for Michigan and Florida?

2008-03-24T18:13:00.002-04:00

The AP is running a story on the problems that Hillary Clinton is facing for the Michigan and Florida primary votes. The problem is this:

Both states held primaries so early in the year that it violated party rules, and those states were stripped of their delegates at the Democratic national convention. As a result Obama and several other candidates removed their names from the ballots and all of the candidates agreed not to campaign there. Now, the nationwide vote tallies are so close they're looking to see whether or not the votes in those primaries are going to be counted. None of the options look particularly appealing.

The Clinton camp had initially suggested that the votes were to be counted as is, which would not be fair, since Obama was not on the ballot in either state.

The Obama camp has suggested that they split the votes down the middle, which isn't fair either, because Clinton was expected to lead in those states even if he was on the ballot.

State Democratic leaders in Michigan proposed a do-over primary, but the bill has received little enthusiasm and has not been picked up by the state Senate. Florida's prospects look even worse.

The Clinton camp has suggested a mail-in re vote, but the Obama camp has raised concerns (legitimate, in my mind) about the security impacts of that.

So, I'd like to hear from my readers, what approach do you think is best? In the comments on an earlier article, one of my friends expressed disgust with the current state of the votes. In private, he'd suggested that the DNC should apologize to those states and pay for a new primary for both of them.

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. While I would agree that the rules that led the DNC to strip these states of their votes are unfair and need to be changed, I believe that these states knew exactly what they were doing when they moved their primaries up. Even though those states lost their delegates, they moved their primaries forward so that their states would be more influential in the nomination process by getting in early, and expected to heavily influence the nomination in exchange for additional attention from the nominees. The fact that this little strategy backfired gets no sympathy from me. As a member of one of the latest voting states in the union, I'm wondering why these states get should two votes to my one? Whether or not their votes counted towards the number of delegates awarded is irrelevant to me - these states did what they did because their votes were relevant to influencing public opinion of the two candidates.

I realize, however, that I'm probably alone in that view.

I love my wife

2008-03-20T18:58:00.002-04:00

My wife got me an iPod Nano video for our anniversary (April 1), which I am now loading up with everything I have, and succeeding nicely. My wife is great in several respects; she loves gift-exchange, as I do, so opportunities abound to get new stuff (although it gets hard to shop for her - she's not addicted to anything that they constantly release).

Her good points are also her bad points; she's very low maintenance. This means that while I don't have to take her out to fancy restaurants to build her self-esteem, I don't get to go to fancy restaurants myself that often. I wish I could convince her of the merits of sushi, but alas, it is not to be.

I love her dearly - she knows very well what I like. If she reads this, which she probably won't, thanks for the anniversary present!

I drank the Kool-Aid

2008-03-19T18:22:00.003-04:00

Today I signed up for Facebook.

Seems like a lot of potentially personal and worthless information to share.

Eh, who knows. Maybe I'll find some old friends.

Exposed for what I am

2008-03-18T18:44:00.002-04:00

So, beginning to write again, the reactions that I got were a little shocked. These are close friends that I'm getting this from, so I can imagine that anyone who does not know me as intimately might be somewhat terrified.

Perhaps I am a little unbalanced. I need to think more about it. If I do ever lose it completely, there will be a paper trail right here that might say where I went wrong. I made a promise a long time ago to be honest with myself - that is, I never wanted to be one of those people that's fooling themselves. I may have flaws, but at least I'm aware of them.

Looking into the abyss of my soul, however, to confront whatever dark demons lie within, may have taken its toll. I may be too comfortable with my own faults. I always thought that to be really good, you couldn't be totally ignorant of evil - that just made you innocent, and choosing to do good wasn't really a choice. A friend of mine pointed out a Hindu proverb - or just a custom, I'm not sure - which stated the opposite. You should keep your thoughts pure, and it will keep your deeds pure. I always thought that you could indulge in evil thoughts as long as your actions are good, but I wonder if it's wearing on me. It is certainly more of a conscious behavior than I initially thought.

Party Affiliation: Reactionary

2008-03-17T18:10:00.002-04:00

I'm beginning to see that my voting preferences are not necessarily in line with my political views as much as they reflect how angry I am with a given party at a given time. If you want my vote, your best course of action is not to screw up while you're in office, or better yet - not to do anything that's flagrantly inflammatory.

Take my political views without any party politics guiding me. I believe in freedom above anything else - the freedom to do whatever I choose to, so long as that behavior does not negatively impact those living in society with me. If confronted with a problem that arises from that issue (I shoot off fireworks, and risk burning down the neighborhood; I speed and run the risk of an accident; I own a gun, and may use it to commit crime) - I am very skeptical of the government saying no you can't - but I don't have a problem with using more severe penalties as incentives to deter these behavior when they cause problems (i.e., I burnt down my neighbor's house playing with fireworks - I am punished for burning down his house, and the fireworks present amplifies the punishment). I do not trust the government with my personal information; I am leery of any government run programs, and think the private sector can do better. I expect bang for my buck; my tax dollars better be used to keep me safe, pay for an army and police, but not to keep welfare queens from working, and not to fund expensive public projects that do not affect me (bridge to nowhere; which I expect state funds to pay for). I'm sure many others feel the same way I do.

So I'm split, usually. Republicans are more than happy to say they want less government, and some of them actually mean it. Democrats are the ones that really get on my nerves when it comes to stepping on my freedoms - it's usually them that comes up with the mantra, "X is shown to be unsafe; it should be against the law". The libertarian chart that they pass around to recruit more members has this to say of the party affiliations, and it tends to be true:

Democrats favor large degrees of personal freedoms and tighter government control on economic freedoms (business regulation).
Republicans favor large degrees of economic freedoms and tighter government control on personal freedoms.

Personally, I see them both grab as much power as they can get a hold of. Now, ordinarily, I would tend to lean on the Republican side of the scale, because, being a straight white male, I don't have to worry about fighting for a lot of the personal freedoms that others have to fight for. I believe in equality for all, gay marriage, and so forth, but I'm not going to take time out of my day to fight for anyone else's rights, except those days I have to vote.

So why don't I vote Republican more often? I would, if they weren't so flagrantly corrupt. It seems like every time there's a fight involving big business gouging the people, it's always the GOP on their side. Whether it's Dick Cheney's secret energy conference, or the tax breaks that oil companies get, or Net Neutrality, or the consolidation of media companies, or the recent "Credit Card Bill of Rights" hearing that was brought before Congress, it always seems that the GOP is on the same side. Which is fine by itself, I suppose, but the tactics they use are always so underhanded - suppression of debate, closed hearings.

And then there's the Democrats. Hillary Clinton is pushing hard, real hard, to do whatever it takes to win the nomination, even if it destroys the party. She wants to get the DNC to take the votes in Michigan and Florida as is (where none of the other candidates even campaigned, because it was against the party rules), which is completely unfair. She has no chance at this point of obtaining the delegates she needs to clinch the nomination, and not even a chance of taking the delegate lead from Obama, which means she's banking on the fact that she can win the superdelegates. And if the superdelegates override the voters on this one - the Democratic is done. I'm never going to support a candidate of theirs again. This momentum they've gotten - all these young voters excited about making a difference - that'll be gone. The best hope I have at that point is that they collapse entirely, and another party will eventually take their place.

Here's hoping it's one that I don't have to compromise my positions to vote for.

My Favorite Artists

2008-03-14T18:02:00.003-04:00

I've got a play list of my favorite artists on my computer; I use it when I'm only in the mood to listen to music, and don't want to get thrown off by some of the weirder entries on my machine - especially 8-bit Nintendo game soundtracks (which are all well and good now and then, when I have a bout of nostalgia).

So without further ado, here's the artists who make the cut:

Alice in Chains
The Beatles (a few tracks)
Bob Marley
Counting Crows (just Mr. Jones, though I should put a few others there)
Dinosaur Jr. (just Feel the Pain)
Earth, Wind and Fire (just September; thank you Elite Beat Agents!)
Failure
Foo Fighters
Modest Mouse
Oasis (a couple tracks)
Ozzy Osbourne
Pearl Jam
A Perfect Circle
Posies
Radiohead
Rush
The Slip (just Even Rats; thank you Guitar Hero!)
Spacehog
Tool

It's interesting, and sometimes a little jarring, to hear a track segue between two completely different artists (Tool to Radiohead comes to mind, although they are both very experimental when it comes to song design).

I suppose this is a cop-out when it comes to this instead of actual content, but I'd like to think my opinions matter, and maybe someone out there will pick an artist of this list and learn to love them, or just take a look at similar song selections and think I feel validated.

I ought to get better at making mix CD's. I had an idea one time, to make a bunch of mix CD's with different moods for each - you know, so you don't get into a certain feeling on one song and listen to something incongruous. Instead of a track list on the front, I'd just put a face that matches the mood of the song. It might open me up to ridicule, though, for a passenger to look through my song selection and see subtle variations of negative emotions - angry, surly, disaffected, ennui, sadness, depression, and nihilism, perhaps with manic thrown in there for fun.

Sick

2008-03-13T18:12:00.003-04:00

I seem to have caught a cold. Ordinarily, I would take my anger out on the one who gave it to me, but I strongly suspect that the one who gave me this is a baby, so I cannot justify my anger.

Oh, and Cold-Eeze ruins your taste buds. I'm thinking about going on the Cold-Eeze diet. That's where you take Cold-Eeze right before eating your favorite foods, and then they taste so bad you'll never want to eat them again.

No Haircut for Old James

2008-03-12T18:18:00.007-04:00

This is the haircut that I want to get that my wife won't let me have.

When I first heard of No Country for Old Men, I was reading a Time magazine or a Newsweek, and they were making their predictions for what will win the Oscars, and what should win the Oscars. In general, their picks for an Oscar winner were much less pretentious than what they predicted the Academy would choose, but on the topic of Best Supporting Actor, they agreed completely. Javier Bardem, they said, was frightening as hell as the monster in this film, and to back it up, they included an outline of his character (the image above minus the background).

I thought, indeed, that is a scary looking motherfucker. I wonder what the hell this movie is about. So, based on a single image alone, reinforced later by general reviews of the same, I decided to see No Country for Old Men in theatres.

I don't know how, but on Valentine's Day, I convinced my wife to go see this movie with me. I'm very surprised and quite proud of her for going along with this - the title and advertising for this suggests "Western", which I know she hates, and she's not the type to be convinced by the fact that a film gets critical praise and Oscar nods. On the contrary - she sees it as an indication that the film will be boring, wordy, or pretentious.

Now I had to stand in line while the slowest cashier on earth got me snacks, so I missed one of the key opening sequences to the movie. But I know it must've been a doozy, because sneaking in, the whole audience, my skeptical wife included, were hooked. And when Anton Chigurh (the character in the infamous image) made his next appearance on screen, my wife nudged me and squeezed my arm - that's that scary motherfucker she was whispering to me about.

I have to give props to the movie for openly stating it's own opinion of the character via another character's dialog - "So, what's this guy supposed to be, the ultimate bad-ass or something?" - and backing it up; I expect several heads in the audience were nodding in response. I know I was.

So we come back from the movie, and we're all excited, because we just saw something totally awesome, and I do what I usually do after watching a movie I like - go read reviews of it to see if my opinion is validated. Then I stop, and get my wife, because I see something that's totally wrong.

Here is a photo of the actor, Javier Bardem, out of character.

This photo is a lie.

There is no way that this man is the same one from the movie. Look at his smiling face.

This is a trap, people. This man is a stone cold killer. You don't fake that kind of acting. That shit only comes from some demon in your soul - some alien that doesn't understand human nature; that has no empathy for the suffering of his fellow man.

And look at this; this is the acceptance speech Javier Bardem gives at the Oscar's. He says something to his mother in Spanish that causes her to tear up.

Now, I don't know Spanish very well, but I'm pretty sure he just threatened to kill her with a captive bolt pistol if she didn't call a coin toss right.

I'm on to you, Javier. Your tricks won't work on me.

Writer's block

2008-03-11T18:03:00.002-04:00

I'm going to make a promise to myself to commit 15 minutes a night to this, at least, so I can at least get the creative juices flowing again.

The last year has gotten me down a bit; not too long after my mother passed followed a slew of pets - the family, . Each death in and of it self was trivial compared to the loss of my mother, and it didn't feel right to grieve over any of them, but the overall effect was a bit overwhelming.

Also, my anger has been relentless and unquenchable. It's hard to follow politics anymore when both sides keep fucking it up. In come the democrats, and I wanted them there, and I voted them in, but the limpdick assholes do everything I don't want them to. If it's important to me, they roll over; if it's trivial, they hold hearings on it. In almost all cases, the strategy seems to be, "let's just run the numbers". So they vote on bills that'll never pass, and they think that because at least they voted, and because the other side is completely fucking evil, I'll think they did a good job. Assholes.

I never realized how much of my adult life would be dedicated to people I despise with all of my soul. I'm not talking about my job - I like my job - I get to tackle interesting problems and help people out with little to no moral objections. No, I'm talking about the people I'm REALLY working for, the reason I get out of bed, to pay off Time Warner and Blue Cross \ Blue Shield and Netflix and every other business that has a hand in fucking me at every available opportunity. I hate them. They charge me for the cable, they charge me for the DVR service, they charge me for the DVR box, they charge me for the ability to charge me to rent movie. I get so angry, I grind my teeth. And then they'll charge me to fix those. In my darkest moments, I wonder just what was in those "mad" writings of Ted Kazinski. I keep wondering - if I were to read them - and I'm afraid to read them, because some part of me deep inside is afraid that I'd find truth.

All this blood and bile in my throat is taking it's toll. I'm just living now to be angry. I try to take my time off - I feel like I repair myself a little everytime I take an hour off to read my Nero Wolfe books - but overall, the strategies I've adopted to turn it all around - more sleep, no coffee, it's all coming down, and I'm just always mad.

The other day, I'm driving out of the mall, in one of those situtations where a long line of cars has piled up to exit the mall, and I'm at the back. Of course, at regular intervals in the parking lot, there are aisles where people are coming out. And I resent those people, because they're wedging in to get out where everyone behind them is only waiting to let more people in. And this goes on for a while - I'm barely moving ahead. And as I get to the front, where there's now only a few aisle of incoming traffic merging in front of me - I'm thinking, I'll be fair, let one guy in, close the gap - two cars ahead of me someone stops to let a car in, and the car right behind them immediately whips out as well.

I think it's probably better that I don't own a gun now, because the scene that played out in my head gave me one. I'd get out of the car right there, and march right up to the door of the driver and point it right at their head. I'd point right the fuck back where they came and shout "GET THE FUCK BACK OVER THERE!". In my mind there's a cheering chorus, and everyone is praising my sense of social justice. And stunned like a terrified deer in headlights, they don't move right away, so I smash in the fucking window, and pistol whip them around a little bit. And the people love me for it. And that dumb asshole backs up their little piece of shit lime green whatever-the-fuck, and the whole line of us empty out of the parking lot, and noone lets that fucker in, because we all hate them.

Maybe I just want my opportunity to shit on the discourteous as well, because that's what really seems to bother me.

Oh, well, fuck-a-duck. At least I have something to write about.

I hate Democrats too

2007-03-30T18:21:00.000-04:00

When the Democrats swept into power on a wave of public disgust with the corruption in Congress in November, I was excited to see that there would be real change to the way politics are conducted. My friend Reno was skeptical, and said that the Democrats would resort to the same tricks that the Republicans pulled, that nothing would really change.

"No," I told him, "they're not idiots. They're going to see the exit polls and conclude that corruption was the number one issue that brought voters out to the polls. They have to know that they're in there to clean up the system. Look at the proposals in the 100-hours plan. Things are going to change".

Well, it turns out he was right. Their idea of an end to corruption is to take an emergency spending bill for the war in Iraq, and load it to the fucking hilt with unrelated pork projects in order to bribe enough votes to include a time table to withdraw from the war in '08.

I have a message for the Democrats in Congress:

Listen to me carefully you stupid, stupid, fucking assholes. You did not win the election because anybody believes that you have a vision for what should be done with this country. You did not win this election because America believes in your tax policies, your views on gay marriage, your universal health care, or your plan to get us out of Iraq. The one and only fucking reason you won is that the other party was so wholly fucking corrupt and power-mad and bent on entrenching themselves in power for all of eternity that any other alternative was acceptable. If you fucking incompetent dick-licking ninnies can't get that through your thick fucking heads you don't deserve to be in power for anything beyond the next 2 years, because that's exactly how long you're going to have it when we kick your ass out in '08. You're there to clean up the system, not to play the same stupid fucking game that the two of you have been playing for years, in which the only people to lose are the average Americans.

Don't get me wrong; I hate the other team even more. The Justice department scandal makes me deeply ashamed of this administration. It disgusts me that they can deny that they politicized the Justice department in the same breath that they assert their right to do so, all while attempting to hide behind executive privilege. Too bad the people don't believe them.

I'm starting to believe that nothing short of a grassroots revolution or a meteor from space smashing into Capitol Hill is going to save us from the fucking power games of the Washington elite.

Fuck all of them.

Personality Tests

2007-03-19T18:46:00.000-04:00

It may just be my rampant vanity, but I like personality tests. A friend of mine sent me a link to find out which South Park character I'm the most like, and I got Kenny (See the bottom of the page). Whether that means I have a dirty mind, or I'm poor, or I'm just death-prone, I don't know, but I'm glad I didn't end up turning out to be the character he was - Wendy Testaburger. Talk about an emasculating experience.

Also, very excited about God of War II. If I'm to understand Penny Arcade correctly, it's all that and a bag of chips.

More Funny, Less Debate

2007-03-14T18:08:00.000-04:00

Let's make this post a little less serious than the others of late. I know I have a certain comedy quota to fill. So just a few observations.

Alan Greenspan needs to shut his fucking mouth. Seriously. Everytime they put a mike in front of that guy's face, my stock portfolio tanks. I was doing great - and now some days I go look at it, and everything's down, and I wonder what he let slip now.

This is China's fault, too. Stupid overvalued market. They want to spread their Red Communist propoganda by coloring all the entries in my portfolio Red for starters.

I've adopted a new form of self-torture with an online puzzle game at www.weffriddles.com. This is one of those "find the next link" puzzles. The first few make you think outside the box. Then, they take away the damn box so you have no frame of reference. It's maddening.

What else? Beat Zelda: Twilight Princess. Not especially satisfied with the ending. Apparently, an ending in a Japanese story without either (a) some remarkably ambiguous ending or (b) something tragically sad is an example of Western decadence. I know Hollywood goes too far with tying up the loose ends and pairing off the uncoupled bachelors at the end of movies, but for Pete's sake, give me something to be happy about.

Why I'm excited about election 2008 (No matter who wins)

2007-03-09T18:18:00.000-05:00

To some of you who've been reading my posts, I may come across as a liberal nut job - or, at the very least an extremist. This is perhaps because of the anger behind the language that I use; there is genuine anger there, but my politics are closer to center than I've been letting on - you're getting a lot of negativity from me because I am a former Republican whose disenchantment was thorough and complete.

There are some good candidates appearing in 2008 on both sides of the aisle, and I've found something I like about each of them:

Hillary Clinton seems to be the most controversial of the bunch. More than any other politician I know, there are many people who seem to hate her, even a large number of Democrats or left-leaning people. I think I know more people who hate her than hate Bush, and I think I know why. On the surface, at least, Hillary Clinton seems to be the most disingenuous candidate out there. Even before the scandalous remarks from David Geffen, everyone already new that the Clinton's were shifty. I think that's a large part of what made Bush popular to begin with - Bush, whether he was right or wrong, believed in and stood behind every decision he made. You don't get that sense with either Clinton.

So whether you say that they have no integrity and do what makes them popular, or you argue like me that catering to public opinion is something that you should do to a large extent, if you're running a democracy, you can't deny that they do work in this system. And that's why I would be happy if Hillary Clinton won - she would be an effective politician, and the values that she champions are ones that I believe in.

Barack Obama is on the other end of that spectrum. He is actively campaigning on the fact that he is a Washington outsider, that with him in office, it won't be politics as usual. He's going to go for pretty much the same agenda, but he wants to bridge the divide between the partisan ranks. A vote for Obama is more a vote against the politics of today. Now whether or not you think Obama is genuine or not, Washington will take notice if you elect an outsider into office. Look at how they reacted to the November elections - despite the fact that the margin of victory in all of the key places was tight, it's being heralded as a mandate to end the war. The polls disagree; it was a mandate to end corruption in Congress, and if the Democrats aren't careful and do stupid shit like demanding a bigger plane to fly on and take lavish trips on a lobbyist's dime when they just made that sort of crap illegal, they're going to get their asses booted out of there in the next round. Obama also has another advantage - he had the foresight to predict that the Iraq War was a bad idea, and the courage to say so openly, even when to do so carried the label of being unpatriotic, at least one of which Clinton did not have (I suspect it was the latter). I would be happy if Obama won because it would be a huge step in cleaning up politics.

While I don't really give him any chances of winning, John Edwards is running an interesting campaign on a poverty initiative. He'll openly admit that he's going to raise taxes to get you there, but I respect that. A lot of the biggest problems in this country stem from the fact that society is so greatly stratified - and the gap between rich and poor has widened greatly over the past 10 years. I would be happy if Edwards won because I think he would do a great job at it, but I'm not betting on it.

Across the aisle, the front runner is tough-as-nails Rudy Giuliani, the hero of 9/11. Giuliani is good because he's already demonstrated he's capable of strong leadership, in New York of all places. This really hit home for me when I saw a review of the movie Bringing Out the Dead as a startling look a pre-Giuliani New York. The fact that his name alone is used to describe a change to what was once viewed as America's cesspool is amazing. And Giuliani is very moderate for a Republican - something that's earned him a lot of flack within the party, but is good for the rest of America. I'm not even talking about the validity of his positions here - I'm talking about a return to a centrist mentality from full-blown partisan ship. When asked where exactly it is that he is conservative, his response is that it's all in how he views taxes. I'm paraphrasing here, because I don't want to go dig up the link, but the Republicans view the economy as a private enterprise that the govern regulates, whereas the Democrats view the economy as government run. I'd be happy if Giuliani ran because of his leadership skills, and his sensible positions on social issues.

Then there's John McCain. I've always been an admirer of him, in part because he can push his politics without being condescending or partisan. I think he's veered a little bit off the Straight Talk Express in his effort to court evangelical conservatives, but I think he'd govern with reason, so I forgive him for that. And I applaud him as the cosponsor of the McCain-Fiengold bill aimed at finance reform. But he's been slipping in the polls lately, for his unpopular stance on the Iraq War. Even while the President holds out on the hope that sticking through it will help, McCain has the guts to put forth the unpopular position that we need even more troops, that we really do need to escalate. I'd be happy if McCain won because I have the sneaking suspicion that he's right.

But wait, you say, haven't you advocated this whole time that the war was a colossal mistake? Yes, I did, and I stand behind that. We're there because a bunch of PNAC assholes got the idea that the best way to ensure the strength of the American position was to spread democracy as far and wide as the could - without help, and in the face of the global community. It's not the idea that I think was fucked up - it was the attitude that dismissed any objections from the rest of the world.

But we're there now. And whether we got in on false pretenses or whether or not it was important to oust Saddam then, it is important to stay there now. Bush is right when he says that it is the greatest ideological issue of the 21st century (It is now, you asshole). I think McCain sees that the costs of failure are more far reaching then people are realising. And I'd be happy to see him President because I think he's the one guy out of any of them who may actually stabilize the country.

Dick Cheney Planned 9/11!

2007-02-28T18:06:00.000-05:00

No, not really. But I am tring to expand my reader base through sensationalist claims.

Hey.

How's it going?

You new here?

You might want to check out some of my other posts as long as I have your attention. I really do hate the administration, you know.

My Top Ten Favorite Rock Bands

2007-02-26T17:25:00.000-05:00

1. Radiohead

While the appeal of their more experimental albums is debatable, I've loved just about everything that they've put out. It is said that Eskimos have over 100 different words for our word "snow". I think Radiohead manages to do the same thing with sorrow - every subtle variation seems to have its own separate song.

Favorite Album: The Bends
Favorite Song: Street Spirit (Fade Out)

2. Failure

Perhaps the least mainstream entry on this list, Failure is one of those bands that surfaced when alternative music was in full swing in the mid-Nineties. They possess a really unique sound - a combination of heavy guitars, creative feedback, and the unique vocal stylings of the lead singer, Ken Andrews. He has almost hollow quality to his voice that lends it an eerie echo.

Favorite Album: Fantastic Planet
Favorite Song: While I think new listeners will get a good feel for their musical style without delving into unfamiliar territory by listening to their cover of Enjoy the Silence, I first gravitated to Failure through their abrasive radio hit Pitiful

3. Tool

Dark, brooding, music. Everything about this band seems to be rich with hidden meaning. The lead singer's soft, understated voice contrasts sharply with heavy guitars while controversial lyrics hide deeper meanings, all without sacrificing satisfying musical composition. Often, I will find that I have listened to a track again and again, only to stop and pay closer attention to the lyrics and be shocked to hear what I had missed.

Favorite Album: Ænima
Favorite Song: Sober

4. Alice in Chains

It's a shame lead singer Layne Staley died of a heroin overdose, but if you were listening carefully to Alice in Chains' lyrics, you could see that coming. Alice in Chains had this interesting way of alternating between a full length hard core album and a shorter EP on the lighter side. Both stylings were absolutely great, though.

Favorite Album: While it's not a full length album, I'd have to say Jar of Flies. If I were to pick one of the full length albums, I'd go with Dirt
Favorite Song: Would?

5. Pearl Jam

I didn't really appreciate Pearl Jam as much as many of my friends during their heyday in the early years, but at some point I looked back on over 10 years of favorites, and realised they all came from the same band.

Favorite Album: Rearviewmirror: Greatest Hits 1991 - 2003. Like I said, it was a over a decade before I began to appreciate them. By that point, I could get all of my favorites.
Favorite Song: Corduroy

6. Ozzy Osbourne

After I got old enough to look past the false associations between Ozzy Osbourne and devil worship, Ozzy had already come and gone from the mainstream. Still, I was surprised to find how many of his songs I'd loved without knowing it. I know Sabbath came first, but I've liked the solo stuff better.

Favorite Album: The Essential Ozzy Osbourne. Another collection. I don't feel like I'm cheating.
Favorite Song: Mr. Crowley, although I remember trying to convince my Mom that there was a song about Perry Mason.

7. Modest Mouse

They've got this fresh indie feel to them that's kind of like a rock/folk mix that makes me smile. I have a feeling though, that any description I could come up with insult the hardcore fans of this band.

Favorite Album: Good News for People Who Love Bad News
Favorite Song: Although Float On was the hit that brought the band to my attention, I've come to really like Cowboy Dan for it's title character's views on life.

8. Foo Fighters

I took to Foo Fighters more easily than I did to Nirvana, which I find surprising. Perhaps it's the lighter tone, I don't know. There certainly seems to be more energy in their music, whether that's happy energy or angry energy.

Favorite Album: Foo Fighters (self-titled)
Favorite Song: Exhausted, the last track on the aforementioned album. Great use of feedback and static.

9. Rush

Familiar story by now. Great band comes to my attention decades after their prime. Unique vocals on the lead singer. Some great guitar riffs.

Favorite Album: Rush Chronicles. You wait long enough, they put all the hits on a two-disc set!
Favorite Song: Subdivisions

10. Filter

A long time ago, when alternative music was still big, this band used to be at the top of my list. I guess I'm not as angry as I used to be.

Favorite Album: Short Bus
Favorite Song: Hey Man, Nice Shot

Porn Sword?

2007-02-26T17:12:00.000-05:00

Don't click on this link... yet:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/22/porn.sword.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

At work today, I received this link in an instant message from a coworker that will remain nameless. As is the case with every link I'm sent, I scan the URL real quick to determine what kind of link I'm going to, a whether or not this is something I should go check out at work.

Immediately, something jumps out at me. You probably see it too.

porn.sword

Now, I think to myself, what the hell could this be about? I look at the domain - it's CNN. It must be a real news, then. And it must be appropriate because CNN is not exactly known for it's inappropriate content.

So, I invite you to do the same. Ponder the ineffable mystery of the porn sword. What do you think this story is about? Open your mind and let it wander ... where does it lead you?

Take another minute...

OK. Click on the link.

Read.

Not quite what you expected, was it? Funny, of course, but likely way different from what you had in mind. What kind of story did you envision? Please feel free to comment.

My Dark Master

2007-02-21T17:44:00.000-05:00

Since I have begun playing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Wii, I have come to accept a new master in my life.

Her name is Midna. I met her soon after I began playing the game. After a short introduction where I was introduced to my life as a ranch hand, I was ambushed by some sort of goblin, knocked unconscious, and sucked into a dark realm of some sort, where I turned into a wolf. Here is a video of our encounter:

She floats through the air, and speak in a sort of hollow gibberish that I can understand. She teases me mercilessly, she promises that she will help me escape my wolf form and rescue my friends if I will only accept that I am now her bitch.

Which I accept.

And then she proceeds to ride me like the jackass I am.

I do what she says, I go where she tells me. I listen to her make fun of me and tell me I should be smart enough to figure out this part by myself. Obediently, I obey her every whimsical beck and call while she yawns and stretches out on my back.

What a fascinating character! I have grown quite fond of Midna throughout the course of my adventures. The way you interact with her through the story is like being led by the nose by a very powerful, dark, spoiled, mischievous and playful little child.

I can never quite shake the feeling that her intentions don't have a sinister edge to them, but she does help me out quite a bit in return. When the way forward is not clear, she glides forward to show me places to jump where I can find sure footing. After a while, all the taunting and "You gotta do what I say" drops off a bit and it feels like a strange buddy flick - the stoic hero and the dark child partnered up to save the world.

I feel like I am following her lead but also that I am her guardian at the same time. She reacts with fascination at events that don't seem to phase me.

You may be thinking, the first person perspective is a little much for a blog post about a character in a video game, but if you know me well enough by now, you'll know that I take these things very seriously. I like to completely immerse myself in each gameplay experience, and little touches like this are what makes the difference between a fun game that I pick up and play and put away and a game that I remember years later like a favorite bedtime story.

Wiiblogging

2007-02-15T00:35:00.000-05:00

This post is being written from within my wii, with my little wiimote.
Using beta version of Opera browser for Wii.
Blogger's default editor won't work here so I'm manually editing HTML.
Slow?
Yes.
Painful?
Yes.
Freakin' sweet anyway?
Hell, yeah.

Let this day be forever hallowed across the land...

2007-02-05T18:44:00.000-05:00

... for this day, my Wii has come home.

Of late, my otherwise peaceful slumber has been disturbed by fevered dreams, to which I rise with a start, bathed in sweat and wild-eyed, gasping as I hear myself utter, only with a ghost of a breath:

"Wii."

Now, the time for jubilation has come! It is finally here! My very own.

My... precious.

Now, if only the big screen wasn't being repaired at the moment, I'd really have some fun.

Words fail me...

2007-02-01T18:32:00.000-05:00

I don't think I've seen anything more beautiful in my entire life.

Words fail me.

Reno thinks it's retarded, but I cried a little. This kind of vision is what all men should aspire to.

New domain!

2007-02-01T18:29:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note. This blog is now hosted at http://www.rabbert.com. Anyone tired of remembering the old address can remember this simple domain. Hooray!

My Top Ten Futurama Quotes

2007-01-30T18:14:00.000-05:00

Every now and then, when I need a little pick me up, I remember some line from Futurama, and laugh. Here are my top ten favorites - I know I've forgotten some, but they didn't come to the top of my head:

1.
Mrs. Wong: Yeah. This time we get most decorated law man in the whole universe!
Kif: You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you! Oh, for the love of--
Zapp: I am the man with no name. Zapp Brannigan, at your service!

2.
Gypsy: Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba?
Fry: I've not heard of them.

3.
*Fry is locked in a battle with Zoidberg on his home planet, in a giant arena. As he is about to claim victory, he stops and addresses the crowd*
Fry: My fellow fish monsters, far be it for me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything?

4.
Fry: Hey, wait! I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures?
Leela: An idea?

5.
In response to Zapp Brannigan's testimony before court:
DOOP Leader: Captain Leela, is this rambling tale of magic and heroism true?
Leela: Well...
Professor: That's it, if they fire him, we can keep him as captain
Leela: It's all true! My female incompetence! Zapp's cat-like reflexes! The stuff that made no sense! All of it!

6.
Fry: Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done.
Leela: But it's so beautiful.
Fry: So's a peacock but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

7.
[Fry turns the stereo on and Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back plays. Leela turns it off.]
Leela: You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

8.
Ken: Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity is due to the fact that you lack the delta brainwave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.
Fry: I did do the nasty in the past-y!
Nibbler: Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe.

9.
Big Brain: Well, here we are. Trapped for eternity.
Brain #2: We could sing American Pie.
Fry: Go ahead. I deserve it.

10.
Zapp: Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honourable, we'll call the Neutral President with a message of peace, then blast him.
Bender: Yes, sir, sirdy-sir-sir-sir!
Zapp: Fly the white flag of war.

Quiznos Vs. Subway

2007-01-29T18:20:00.000-05:00

And the winner is Subway.

I used to make a regular habit of going to Subway at lunch alone. I'd bring a book with me, and order one of the 6-inch sub combos, and be content with that. I'd get one of the 6 grams of fat or less subs, some baked chips or sun chips, eat slowly, then read for the remainder of my lunch hour. I eventually got adjusted to the lighter portion, and came to enjoy my little ritual, until my life got derailed and I had to quit that.

Now, I'm trying to get back into that groove, and I decided to start again today. However, I recalled the Quizno's commercials, and their assault on Subway, and decided to give it a try. The commercials pointed out two things:

1) Quizno's subs are toasted.

Then Subway offered to toast there subs, and the commercials turned into:

2) Subway doesn't give you any meat. If you compare the two side by side, Quizno's meat overflows the sub. Subway does not

I felt a little guilty for "betraying" my local Subway guys by testing out the competition, but I believe that any opinion, be it culinary, political, or video game, is more worth having if you try to see what's good about the other side before blindly choosing one.

So, I went today and got a medium Italian sub, and came to the following conclusions:

1) Quizno's give you more meat.

Perhaps too much meat - they certainly don't have any spokespeople advocating the health benefits of eating Quizno's every day.

The problem is, you pay for all that extra meat. My combo cost me nearly $10. Subway has always offered to double your meat for a nominal charge for as long as I can remember ($1 for a 6" and $2 for a footlong), and the price works out the same. As far as I can see, Quizno's isn't making me a better offer; they're just not giving me an option for normal meat.

2) Subway's bread is magical.

The first thing I smell coming into Subway is that bread. Part of the reason I don't get my sub toasted very often is that the bread is just so tasty. It's got just the right amount of gluten for that texture that's soft, yet firm, without being spongy like everything I've ever tried to make subs with at home.

3) I like variety of vegetable toppings.

What they show in the Quizno's commercials is a Subway sub with lettuce on it. No wonder it looks pathetic. If you're going for a meat-only sub, then you don't go to Subway. You go to Subway for that delicious variety of fresh vegetables. I always get everything but mayo when I go - wonderful. Every bite has it's own combination of flavors - sometimes you get some pickles and tomatoes, sometimes it's olives and banana peppers, and every now and then a jalapeno. I always announce "everything but mayo" right away so the sandwich artist has the opportunity to put together the sub without overstuffing it, but it still barely closes by the time they're done.

4) The yellow theme really works

For some reason, the yellow colors of the benches and walls really soothe me. I think there's some science behind colors that explains it all. I know red is supposed to make you hungry, but I think yellow makes you happy.

OK, I'm done. I know I sound like a Subway spokesman - I'm not. I'm pissed that my local Subway stopped the Subway club, and raised the prices on the 3 subs after 5 promotion. Still, I think they're the best sandwich out there, and probably my favorite guilt-free meal anywhere.

Why I deserve a Nintendo Wii

2007-01-22T18:30:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, my sister emailed me to inform me of a radio contest in her area. They were taking submissions from listeners about why they deserve a Nintendo Wii, and awarding two winners a day for a week.

I didn't win (by the time I got to writing my entry, it was already Thursday night), but here it is:

Unlike many others, whose motivation for a Nintendo Wii stems merely from a selfish desire for a technological plaything, my need for a Wii stems from a deeply personal tale of tragedy, heroism, and a promise I made that I will never forget.

I was carrying out my annual tradition of volunteering to provide presents in the guise of Santa Claus to Saint Mary Agnes' Oprhanage for the Lonesome and Forgotten, when I met the most extraordinary youg man. Little Timmy had been placed in the orphanage at the tender age of 5, when he had been maimed in the car accident that killed his parents.

Tragically, they had been involved in a head-on collision with his only remaining grandparents as they were both driving home to celebrate Christmas, when they hit a patch of ice an the road. Ironically, the family forture had been transferred to bearer bonds the day of the accident, and burned along with the wreckage, leaving Little Timmy not only missing an arm and a leg, but destitute as well.

As Little Timmy, now 7, came and sat on my lap, I could not help but tear up at the sight of him. Little Timmy had not had the medical coverage to provide him with a prosthetic arm and leg, and had to bear an iron hook in place of his hand and a wooden peg leg. Still, I soldiered on, and asked Little Timmy what he wanted. "Santa," he asked, "will you bring my family back to me?". My voice cracked as I told him "I'm afraid I can't do that right now, they're with God now, so they can watch over you from heaven".

"I understand, Santa", Little Timmy said, and I marvelled at his strength. "Do you think I could get a Nintendo Wii instead? Everyone says they're so much fun, and Mommy and Daddy can watch me play from heaven." The orphanage only had a small 6 inch, black and white screen TV, but Little Timmy's eyes shone bright with the promise of things to come. "Santa will see what he can do," I replied, adding with a confidential wink "you know, Santa wouldn't mind having one of those himself."

We both chuckled to ourselves over our little joke, when we were interrupted by the sound of breaking glass. Four figures rushed inside the room. The orphanage had been invaded by an Al-Qaeda sleeper cell. Apparently, they had devised their most heinous plan yet, to hold those most unfortunate Americans - our orphans - as hostages while they negotiated the release of convicted terrorists in Guantanamo Bay.

Setting Little Timmy down, I told him, "Let Santa handle this menace." Swinging my sack of toys around my head, I hurled it at the nearest terrorist knocking him out cold. I heard the sickening crunch of shattered toys as I took out the second with a roundhouse to the face, bitterly musing that there would be no toys this year. The remaining terrorists aimed their guns at me and opened fire, but I arched backward out the line of fire, like in the Matrix, and in one swift move, slung the heavy belt buckle that was part of my Santa outfit in a wide arc, knocking out the remaining two terrorists. Then, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and noticed one more hitherto unnoticed terrorist leap from the window into the street. I burst out of the window to chase him down, only to stop dead in my tacks, mouth agape.

It was none other than Osama bin Laden himself. He smiled evilly as he levelled a pistol straight at my heart. "Farewell, you decadent American swine", he leered. I winced, and shut my eyes, as I heard the shot fire. But I didn't feel anything. Slowly, I opened my eyes. Little Timmy staggered before me and fell to the ground in a crumpled heap. The sound of sirens rang out, and Osama dropped his gun and fled. I knelt down to pick up the fallen angel who had rescued me.

He was looking bad. He wasn't going to make it. Black blood seeped out of a wound in his stomach. Tears began to fall from my eyes. It began to rain softly.

"Santa," Timmy began, as he gripped my fingers tightly, "is that God crying?" "Yes," I replied, "God is crying, along with your parents. They're happy that you're coming home." "I never did get to see the Wii," he sighed regretfully. "Santa," ... His voice was fading ... "will you play it for me? I want to watch you play from heaven." "It's a promise," I replied. Little Timmy smiled at me warmly. His eyes closed. I felt his little hand squeeze my fingers once more, and then they went limp.

He was gone.

The rain began to pour.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", I cried. "WHY, GOD, WHY?!?!! TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!!!"

But sadly, my prayers fell on deaf ears.

To this day, I have tried to fulfill my promise to Timmy as he died in my arms. The success of the Wii has made it impossible for me to find one, and until then, Timmy's soul will never rest. At the last store I tried, they said they had sold their entire remaining stock to fulfill a radio promotion.

Please, send me a Nintendo Wii. Do it so Little Timmy, who died bravely fighting the War on Terror, can finally rest.

For Mom

2007-01-18T21:39:00.000-05:00

I've been on quite a long sabbatical. I know I need to get back to writing, or at least some form of creative outlet, but I promised myself that I'd address this before I continued on.

I don't know if I really want anyone to read this.

I've recently lost my mother to cancer. It's been both a very long and a very short ordeal. It seemed like it was a long ordeal when it was happening, but now that I really put it into perspective, it really hasn't been that long at all. About 2 1/2 years ago, my mother went to get a pain in her stomach checked out and it turned out to that she had cancer in her pancreas. It was a stage 2 tumor, which meant that it was a significant growth but it had not spread. She was given some statistics. I don't remember fully well, but I think they said that gave her a 30% survival rate over a 5 year term.

I was upset to find this out, but it was still very early then; still too far in the future to give up hope. And when they called her in for regular chemo and radiation treatments, I assisted in taking her home in the afternoon. My boss was very generous about it; I took off for an hour or two in the afternoon, picked my omther up from the hospital, and drove her home, and worked a little later in the evening.

An it wasn't bad. They didn't give her the kind of dose of radiation that would have made her lose her hair, and for my part, I tried to keep her in good spirits by antagonizing her. I know that sounds really awful, but it was the kind of well-meaning challenging that kept her talking, kept her debating, and kept her mind off of the purpose of what we were there to do. My mother was a very intelligent woman, and strong-willed - all you needed to do was to present the challenege and she would rise to it. I challeneged her politics, we discussed books (mostly the Dan Brown series), and all in all, I'd say that things were actually kind of nice. I got a nice break from work, and on the longer trips, I'd read in the lobby while I waited.

Spurred by the change in circumstances, and through some intervention of my mother, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years (the story of the ring is for another time). Strangely enough, we set our wedding date on the one year anniversary of her surgery, April 8. Even more strange is that we missed out on our opportunity to book the 8th, and had to push it up to the 1st of April (if I ever forget my anniversary I can always claim April Fools), when on the same day, my mother's surgery was pushed up to the 1st of April.

The surgery seemed to be an astounding success, and to this day I regret that I sent out an email to just about everyone I knew, apologizing for my distant behavior in the previous months, and explaining the whole ordeal. At the time, I was convinced that the surgery had been 100% successful, that they had gotten all the cancer, and that everything was OK from here.

The only apparent side-effect was that in removing a part of her pancreas and some other organs in the vicinity, my mother had become newly diabetic, and she was not adjusting to it well at all. She had not been given the full course in the nature of insulin, and when to take it, and my mother would take it at the wrong times, such as when she had not eaten and her blood sugar was low. Then, it would really drop, and she'd pass out and break a bone and hurt herself.

Throughout the year, the insulin incidents occurerd fairly frequently. I confess that by the time my wedding rolled around, I resented my mother somewhat. She was so insistent upon taking her insulin that nothing could convince her that she didn't need to be doing it when she hadn't eaten. She wasn't eating very much - she had dropped a lot of weight all throughout the cancer treatments, and she continued to lose weight afterward. Her stomach gave her pain when she ate, so she often skipped eating. At our wedding, which we held outdoors at Duke Gardens, my mother quickly left thhe outdoor area where we were taking pictures and retreated to the receiption hall, and would not come to join us for the pictures when they were being taken. Even at the reception, she left early because she wasn't feeling well. At the time, I greatly resented her for this, and felt that she was trying to overshadow my wedding day by playing the sick card. I know it sounds horrible now, but she was true-blue Catholic; she knew how to take sympathy and milk it for all it was worth, and she could wield guilt like a sword.

Sometime after the honeymoon, I got word of some bad news. She had gone in for a check-up, and they detected that she still had cancer in her system. What I did not know at the time (and neither did she, or most of my family, except the ones that were reading between the lines), was that she had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer - where it has spread to other organs, and the time frame they give you from that point is about 6 months.

So for about 6 months, she was and I was under the delusion that she was going to get more chemo treatment to go after the remaining cancer, but the big problem was the diabetes-induced dizzy spells and falls that had weakened her system to the point that she need to get strong before she could get more treatment. And I continued to get upset with he over every hospital trip, because I was convinced that if only she would stop taking that damn insulin when she didn't eat, she would be fine. I thought that subconciously, she was doing it to herself to get some attention from the family, and that one of these daysit was going to bite her in the ass and she was going to put herself into a coma or die on a sugar low.

It never even occurred to me that she was really dying from the cancer.

One day, shortly after I had returned from a business trip abroad in London, my father called me in the middle of the night. My mother had fallen in the middle of the night on her way to the bathroom, and broken her hip. I took note of it at the time, but it bothered me more than it worried me. There had been so many falls and breaks that it just seemed like just another, and that I would go see her for a few days and then she would come home again.

The next day, when he announced that he was calling in the family, and came by my office to pick me up, it started to sink in that this was serious. Over the next few days, I came to understand a few things. The cancer was back in full effect, and the 6 month time frame had already passed - my mother was living on borrowed time. Furthermore, she wasn't coming home again - she was too weak to take care of herself, and she might not survive another fall.

Within a week, I quickly came to terms with the fact my mother was dying, life was never going to be the same for her again, and all this time I had been wrong about what was happening. The cancer was killing her, and not her own stubborness.

She wound up staying in a nursing home - a very nice one, but a nursing home still - she never wanted to end up in one. I came often, but I did not see her every day. It's a terrible shame that you can never know in advance how you'll feel when you look back on an opportunity wasted. At the time, it was very hard to deal with. When you're expecting that someone's going to die any day now, and you're already braced for it, it can wear you out when days turn to weeks.

When Halloween came and went, my mother was still in Duke Hospital, getting ready to be discharged to the nursing home. When the November elections came, and my party retook the House and the Senate, my mother was in the nursing home, and we watched TV together. Not the news, of course - it didn't seem to interest her too much (she had backed the wrong team), but a documentary on Jack the Ripper, or some of the Nero Wolfe episodes I bought on DVD, or half of the movie "28 grams" (another regret, we got about halfway through it when I had to go - she wanted to pick it up another time, but from the beginning again, and we never did). Thanksgiving was the last holiday we spent together, and it turned out to be the last day she was really there with us and (mostly) alert. We brought it in to the nursing home, and we had booked a private room, and it was a nice spread. She ate a little, but she had to retire early.

From there, things quickly took a turn for the worse. She died about a week and a half later, but the final days were really rough. It hurts to think about the details, and I don't want to share them, but I was both disgusted and ashamed and horrified that I was so callous. It is debatable whether or not she died well. What she must have gone through, and what her mental state must have been with all the morphine, is something I've come to dread. My sister has a more upbeat note on it - she noted that we were all (her husband, children, and grandchildren) there with her that day.

I lost whatever shreds of faith I had left throughout the whole ordeal. The pain is still very fresh, and it's like looking at the sun - it's too painful to deal with directly, to think about and to focus on. Every time I dwell on it too long it hurts, and I have to turn my thoughts elsewhere.

I'm glad, at least for the times I did have, although when I think of them, it's even worse than the rough times at the end. When I think about the bad times, I'm glad she's finally free of the pain, but when I think about the good times - that's when I miss her and the pain that she's not coming back really hurts.

RECAP

2006-09-27T19:05:00.000-04:00

OK, So it's been a little while. I got some comments like this:

Hey, you haven't published in twelve days. WTF? It's your job to entertain me, goddamn it. So get cracking.

Yeah, yeah. I've been busy. I had a little bet with myself... who could this be? A friend? A sister? My wife? Sadly enough, all of the people in my life are comfortable enough speaking to me with this degree of disdain that I can't distinguish when someone sends me a remoark like this. That may seem pathetic, but it's a two way street. All of my interpersonal relationships are mutually abusive.

So what have I been doing, you ask, that I cannot spare a few moments to write? Well, apart for recovering from the chaos involved in the camping trip from Hell, I've been trying to buy a house. I recently got in trouble with the apartment complex I rent from, because my lease had expired earlier than I thought it was supposed to, and my rent went up while I was still paying the old rate. So now I'm looking for a house. We found a really sweet deal the other day that we were about to make an offer for when some other agent came along and made a contract. That road bump aside, I will one day again hold a taco party.

What else have I been doing? Watching a lot of TV. Comedy Central's started airing the frist season of Scrubs and I must've been asleep for the last 5 years, because I've been missing out on the funniest shit ever. Along the same lines, my wife and I have found House, so we're going back and forth between the first season that comes in on Netflix and the stuff they're airing now. Finally, one of my sister's sent me the series Firefly on DVD, and now I've found something else I should've been watching a few years ago. This trifecta of TV nose candy has kept me busy enough in the evening's so that I don't want to write anything more.

But tonight, I'm catching up, and recommitting to writing. Another sister of mine had asked me for my birthday wishlist, and I have complied. If you'll look to the right, a friend of mine has exposed a sweet little script for me that allows me to display a few items from my Amazon wishlist, by getting the feed they expose and making a template from the results. Feel free to buy me something.

Another update - I plan to move all of the political commentary to a new blog - Rabbertics. I've gotten some mixed responses to my left leaning rantings. Some appreciate the commentary, some choose to engage me in debate, and some would rather I did not preach. Politics, I think, is like religion. There is no argument that going to change anyone's mind unless they're already sitting the fence and looking for direction. The only thing that will change the mind of someone who's already picked their position are the events that shape their experience. It was the same case for me - no pundit managed to change my mind about the GOP. I was certainly willing to stand behind the President until the decision to invade Iraq came, when I hesitated. While I beleived it to be a mistake, I still thought good could come of it if it were done right. When the Abu Ghraib scandal broke, I broke my ties and burned my bridges. After that, I started watching what the pundits said, but only to confirm the position I had already chosen.

Still, they keep doing shit that pisses me off, and I can't keep quiet about it. So I'll take the forum somewhere else, and preach to the choir. Here, I'll bitch about my life and my wife and create serial killer fan fiction, and save bitching about the President for Rabbertics - soon to be.

So, let me end this with a good old-fashioned rant. You know what I would like to see? A keyboard made for big boys. I continually make typos because I'm typing on this instrument that's obviously designed to accomodate fine feminine fingers, and not my big fat ones. They make men's clothing and accessories bigger than women's - how about men's keyboards? All you need to do is make the keys 25 to 33% larger, and I promise you in no time, my typing rate will double. Yeah, it's kind of a boring rant.

I can't be funny all the time. So get bent.

IT'S HERE!

2006-09-15T09:43:00.000-04:00

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KNOW MY BIRTHDAY AND DESPAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You don't count.

I do.

Your opinions don't mean anything.

It's my day.

(sung to the tune of The Wind Beneath My Wings)

Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck all of you,
the ants beneath my feet.

Give me your worship!
Give me your praise!!!

Ahh, sweet, sweet external validation. If I could freebase it, I would.

Birthday Fever!

2006-09-14T18:17:00.000-04:00

The day of my birth is rapidly approaching... only a few more hours to go. Can you feel the excitement?

I have one friend who has a birthday a day before mine, and one who has one a day after, making it actually a birthday trifecta. The fact that their birthdays revolve around my own makes mine feel all the more important.

Some people think that for a 29 year old to expect gifts on his birthday is ludicrous. I think that's crap. I deserve a present for just being me.

My Birthday

2006-09-13T18:59:00.000-04:00

My birthday is coming up this Friday; I'll be turning 29, which feels like it should be ominous, but really isn't. I guess the anxiety will start to hit a year from now when I realize that I'll be turning 30. Then I might have to make some life changes.

Last year, I had a little celebration for my birthday. I sent out a notice to my family and a few of my friends that had been inspired by something my mother had done. One day, we were at my sister's house discussing plans for the day. It was still breakfast time, and my mother had no milk for her cereal, so she said, to the best of my memory:

"You may pick me up a gallon of milk from the grocery store"

as if it were a great honor that she was bestowing on me. I was so amused by this that I responded excitedly:

"May I?!?!"

And we all had a good laugh at my mother's expense. The phrase still stuck with me, and inspired this invitation to last year's birthday party, an email titled "A celebration for the ages!":

First there was nothing...

then there was James!

Bear witness to the man behind the legend as he celebrates the culmination of the 28th year of his gracious presence on the Earth. You would be honored to attend his birthday celebration at Kanki restaurant in Durham at 8:00 pm on Thursday, September 15, 2005 (http://www.kanki.com/). Enrich your own dull lives with tales of his heroic exploits over the years. Feel like a part of history as the story of his many triumphs unfolds before you. Allow him to touch your heart and free your mind as he has done for countless millions before you. While the offering of gifts is by no means mandatory, James understands that a tangible token of one's gratitude can suffice when even the words of the great poets fail to convey the heartfelt joy and ephoria that James has shone upon your soul like the piercing rays of the morning sun. Should words fail you, James can forward you a list of trinkets that amuse him.

P.S. Be prepared to pay for your own meal, as The Chosen does not deign to pay for the meals of The Unwashed, especially so many Unwashed (While God has gifted upon James a great many gifts, unfortunately he has not blessed James with great wealth, lest he become immodest).

This year, I don't know what I'm doing, but I know what I want to do. I want to find a party store where I can pick up a cape and scepter and crown, because I play to make sure everybody knows that I'm King for the day. Of all of the holiday's, I like birthdays the best, because they're a time for celebration and presents, but really nobody else gets to share in the glory. Everyone else is insignificant and their opinions don't count. This is true on every day, but on my birthday, people have to face facts. Do you know that you cease to exist when I'm not conceiving of you? It's sad to hear, but it's true.

When it rains...

2006-09-12T19:07:00.000-04:00

... it not only pours, but I can hear a disembodied voice telling the neighbors to start collecting sets of male and female animals.

This is me at my wedding. I'm screaming because my wife is a half an hour later because she decided to go shoe shopping on that morning of all mornings.

But that's not what this is about.

Have you ever had something bad happen to you, and you just hang around waiting for the other shoe to drop? Except, not only does the other shoe drop, but your socks fall off as well. Then your pants fall down around your ankles, and lo, your boxers follow. Then you try to move around, but you have to take baby steps because your legs are bound by your pants, but you fall any way, face forward, and bang your head against the floor. Now you're unconcious, sprawled out on the floor, with your bare ass sticking straight up into the air.

Did I forget to mention that you're in prison?

Anyway, that was this weekend for me. What a nightmare. I started off by going to mountains to go camping for the weekend. I plan to go fishing with my wife. There's a four and a half hour drive up there, and already my blood is up because I'm leaving after work, and by the time I get there after a long drive, it's dark, and because it's the nature of all these woodsy campsites to have nice, cozy, unlit wooden signs, I'm wandering in the darkness forever.

But I get set up anyway and go to bed. Now, I've been camping before, but back in those days I used to sleep on a bunk bed, and the mattress was like fiberboard, so I had no idea what it was like to miss a good night's sleep on a decent mattress. But I felt the effects that morning as any sort of bending procedure quickly becomes a Pavlovian experiment in pain.

My wife and I begin to go fishing, when we realize that the river we're fishing in is about a foot deep, and while suitable for fly fishing if that's your thing -it's not our thing. That doesn't stop us from trying, and in the process, my wife drops part of her reel into the river. I go to fish it out for her, getting my shoes moderately wet in the process, and throw it up to her. She misses the catch and it rolls down the hill into the deeper part of the river, where I have to circumnavigate some sort of beaver dam, thoroughly soaking my shoes in the process. She insists my shoes are ruined and we go get some new ones. We hang out at the campsite the rest of the day. I wanted to read one of my books, but we had forgotten to pack them.

The rest of the trip pretty much goes smoothly, with the notable exception that as we are packing to leave, she finds one of the books I wanted to read. Damn. She wants to add a quart of oil to our tank, and asks of me and my freinds if someone strong can help her get the oil cap off of the engine. I manage to prove that I'm totally weaksauce and can't get the damn thing off when she reiterates that she meant someone strong. My freind Eric gets it off but I am convinced I loosened it for him. She also wants to stop at the state fair that we passed on the way, so after I have an argument I know I'm not going to win about getting back early so that we're not coming in late at night, we go to the fair. This is always a time of great stress for me, because I'm not only mildly phobic of crowds, but I am easily distressed (enraged, infuriated) by fair traffic and just what it takes to get a car into and out of a fair alive. We pass several happy hours at the fair, where I avoid riding all of the stomach churning rides that she wants to go on, because I know the last thing I need is to be nauseous for a 4 hour car trip.

Still, I have eaten one of those jumbo turkey legs with some Texas Pete on it, so it's not too far after we take off that a case of mudbutt starts to set in. We make a stop some 20 minutes into the trip, where I go to the bathroom and buy some chewable Rolaids, and it looks like I'm all set for the rest of the day, if I can just manage this car drive while my back is killing me (I ask my wife earlier, "Are you going to help me drive back?". She replies, "Did I drive for any part of the way up?". I responded, "No.". "Then you have your answer.").

This ends the amusing, whoa is me, funny-if-you-look-back-on-it portion of the trip. About 30 minutes after we pass Asheville begins the Nightmare Proper.

I hear a load rumbling on the road, the tell-tale sign of a flat tire. The motorists we are trying to pass gestures wildly and confirms, yes, we have a flat tire. We pull over, just before an exit. From the mile marker I can tell we are 200 miles from home. The front passenger tire has gone flat. Didn't we just buy new tires recently. Yes, we did. That was one tire of a set of two that we bought from Walmart one year and one month ago. Damn. We have a spare tire, but sadly, we left our jack in the other car. When then one got a flat. Thankfully, I have AAA. My wife's cell phone still has a charge, so we call them up and ask them for a tow. They suggest that they can come out and change the flat, which will work just as well, except that we are going to need to get a new tire anyway, because we can't ride home 200 miles on a spare, let alone avoiding exceeding 50 miles per hour on an interstate where the posted speed limit is 70 and most motorists are going close to 80.

The AAA guy shows up. While he's changing the tire, he informs us of two things. One, that the closest Walmart is likely in Hickory, 60 miles ahead of us, or in Asheville, 30 miles behind us. We could make it on a spare but we'd have to take it slow and a spare won't take us that far. The other thing is that we seem to be leaking some kind of fluid, probably radiator fluid, as evidenced by a puddle around the tire. We pop the hood, and find out that the oil cap is missing, and we've been losing engine oil.

Now I'm not laying blame here, but I seem to recall that the oil cap was there that morning when my wife emasculated me for not being able to unscrew it. She swears to me that she put it on, but it may not have been tight enough.

Now I really need a tow. The tow truck driver doesn't seem particularly happy about it, but we're covered and AAA compensates him for the tow, so we decide to take the car back to Asheville to go get a new tire for it. The new plan has us rolling home somewhere about 11:00 to midnight or so, but it can't be helped. However, after we are towed to Asheville, one thing becomes very clear. There is no tire place that's actuially open that we can use to get new tires. We're going to need to spend the night in Asheville and work on it in the morning.

The tow truck drivers drops us off at the Walmart. We can still drive, as long as we're careful to drive real slow (<50>

I also don't know how to get to a hotel, or to an auto parts store to get an oil cap. I ask the locals for directions, but they all see, to be in reference to some landmarks or roads that I don't know, and I'm not doing a very good job of conveying that I've practically been dropped into Asheville and I don't have any bearings. Thankfully, my wife remembers enough of the area from the trip in to guide us to a Days Inn, where we check in for a room for the night. At this point, a headache that has been brewing for most of the day is hitting me full force, to the point that I'm actually sick to my stomach and have to vomit. I'm not sure what brought it about, maybe the fair food, but if I were to wager a guess I'd have to say... oh, stress.

My wife orders a pizza for dinner, but I can only manage about half a slice, and I go to sleep, weak, nauseous, and drained with a headache. The next morning, my wife makes some calls and finds an AutoZone, and gets directions from the hotel staff on how to get there. It involves getting on a freeway, and driving real slow while other angry motorists pass us by, but that can't be helped, and we make our way to AutoZone, where we finally get our prized oil cap, and seal that fucker on tight. Then, we wander around Asheville for a while, trying to find the Walmart again, check in, and get our tires repaired. I remember that I'm supposed to be on an important conference call at work that morning, and after a fruitless effort in getting the cell phone charger to work, I have to make a credit card purchase for a set of pencils so I can get cash back so that I can use the pay phone to call someone at work to get them to cover my call. After wasting the first set of change calling someone's cell phone that went straight to voicemail, I get a hold of a coworker about 5 minutes before the call so he can get that straightened out.

The tire is done, and thankfully, Walmart gives us a discount on the tire, prorating the cost of the tire against the considerable amount of tread left so that we get the tire for a fraction of the price. In our excitement to get going again, we neglected to take any further preventative measure, say, buying a jack or checking out the condition of the other tires.

So I drive the rest of the way home. My wife sleeps most of the way, but the trip isn't bad. The sun is shining, and I'm just listening to my music as the hours while by. Normally, I'd be working now, so this is a change of pace and a time to reflect on my life. At the rate I'm at, I'll be able to go back into work in the early afternoon. I feel like a dick for having to take advantage of the good graces my boss has shown me in working with my missed work hours, but I can make up the hours through the rest of the week, and all will be well before long.

If you remember the tale of Odysseus, you'll know that even after he returned home from his fucked up voyage around the Mediterranean on his return home from the Trojan War, he still had shit to deal with at home when he had to battle it out with his wife's suitors. Or so I remember.

So about 3 miles from the exit that I'm supposed to take, I hear a farmiliar rumbling sound. Do you recall that the tire that went flat was one of a set of two that I bought from Walmart a year and a month ago? Can you guess which fucking tire went flat now? Well, if you can't you must be one of those sunny, happy-go-lucky assholes for whom everything goes right. You've never even heard of Murphy's laws because they don't apply to you. Well you can can choke on a fucking beam of sunshine and die, you asshole, because you exist to balance out the spectrum for me.

Now we have to pull over kind of close to an exit, but it's a big ramp. This is important because if you recall, both cell phones are dead, so I've got to get out and walk to the nearest gas station to call AAA. Thankfully this time I've got some cash with which to get some quarters, so when I walk out to the pay phone, sweating like a pig, I call AAA, and then I call one of my friends from work to come pick me up and take me back to the car. As soon as I hang up, I wonder why I did it, when I could probably just as quickly have walked back. I think some part of me wanted a witness. I didn't think anybody would believe me that I've got another damn flat. I know I wouldn't believe me. I would think I was trying to get out of work.

I have to guide my friend the long way around, since we got stopped before the exit, and he needs to come at it from the other side. When we pull up, there's already someone else helping us changing the tire (IMAP - different from the mail protocol I know, they're the Incident Management Assistance Patrol. These guys rock). I call AAA from my friend's phone to cancel the call, and after we get the spare back on, it's back to Walmart, but this time the local one. This time, they argue that the alignment's bad, and they won't cover as much of the tire, but I don't want to argue.

My wife drops me off at work with about 30 minutes left in the work day, and I give her my card so she can go get the car aligned. Another $70 later, she relays something from the mechanics to server as a fitting footnote to this sad, fucked-up affair.

I need new rear tires.

Poker

2006-08-31T19:01:00.000-04:00

I love poker. I usually come out ahead, but I have my streaks of really bad luck. I also take a bad beat pretty hard. Still, I like playing. Even if I have noone to play with, I'll lay down some cards and dictate who I am, and think of how I'd bet. I'll even sometimes play a verbal game of poker with my wife. That's the best:

Me: Let's play a virtual game of Texas Hold'em.

Wife - in the other room, not paying attention: OK.

Me - not actually touching a deck of cards: OK, the cards are dealt. You have an Ace of Hearts and an Ace of Spades. Do you bet?

Wife: Sure.

Me: OK, I call. The flop comes down. An Ace of Clubs, a King of Spades, and a 2 of Diamonds.

Wife: What do I have now?

Me: Three Aces. Do you bet?

Wife: Sure.

Me: OK. I call. The turn comes. It's a 2 of Clubs. You have a Full House. Do you bet?

Wife: Sure.

Me: I call. And the river comes. It's a 2 of Hearts. Do you bet? Are you all in?

Wife: Sure.

Me: OK. I have a 7 of Clubs and a 2 of Spades. I have Four of a Kind. I win.

Ignorance is bliss

2006-08-28T18:04:00.000-04:00

Or so they say.

"They" obviously weren't women, because women want to know every damn thing. I watched House today at lunch, and it featured an episode a patient that almost got himself killed because he couldn't admit around his wife that he was bipolar. When it finally did come out, she stormed out of the room because "he didn't trust her". I was thinking to myself, is it really the end of the world? Is she going to walk out on her husband because he was ashamed to admit that we was bipolar? Apparently, the answer was yes.

Which caused me to reflect on the fact that it's not just the big things that women want to know everything about, like what you did when you were younger or how many people you've slept with, but little, stupid things, like the entire damn conversations you've had about things you don't care about. Then what did he say? And what did you say after that? Why didn't she want to come? He said he was depressed, why was he depressed? What do you mean you didn't ask him? Blah blah blah blah blah......

Now I realize I'm not being completely fair. There are some men out there who can't stand not to know everything, but there are fewer of them, and they don't take it as far. When I have a conversation with someone, I get a general gist of what's going on, but there's some goal I'm satisfying too. Everything beyond that, I don't care to know. Say for instance, I'm having a party, and someone who previously said they're coming can't make it:

Caller: Hey James, look, we've got bad news. X and I aren't going to be able to make it .

Me: Really? I'm sorry to hear that.

Caller: Yeah, it's just that X's mom is sick and yada yada yada

At this point I'm tuning out. I hear words, but the goal of this conversation is acheived. You're not coming. Make less tacos. I wait for the pause that indicates my turn.

Me: Geez. That sucks. Well, thanks for calling. Maybe next time.

Then my wife asks me who called. Ladies, pay attention. When you get brief, one or two word answers, we are telling you we do not want to recall the whole thing verbatim.

Wife: Who was that?

Me: X and Y. They're not coming.

Wife: Why not?

Me: Umm... Y's mom is sick.

Wife: Oh my God. With what?

Me: I don't know. I didn't ask.

Wife: What do you mean you didn't ask?

Me: I don't know. It didn't seem relevant.

Wife: Aren't they your friends?

Me: Yeah, but that's their business. What do you want from me?

It's like pulling out your own teeth.

Trivia Question

2006-08-21T19:00:00.000-04:00

Who made the following statement?

"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."

A) George W. Bush
B) Dick Cheney
C) Karl Rove
D) Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Göring during the Nuremberg Trials

What are you up to, Stephen Colbert?

2006-08-19T15:32:00.000-04:00

Let me begin by saying that I'm a huge fan of comedian and his show, The Colbert Report. It's a show on Comedy Central where he satirizes popular right-wing pundits, like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Joe Scarborough. It's hilarious, and the satire disguises the fact that there is some really biting commentary on the Bush administration and the major media.

However, every now and then he seems to foray into some sort of attack on, for lack of a better word, web institutions. He's gone after Wikipedia (through satirical praise of it's practice of consensus editing), encouraged his users to rig a Hungarian online election (to vote for a celebrity to name a bridge after) and a similar online vote for a high school mascot. The message seems to be that online collaborative efforts are flawed, and subject to sabotage. I don't get where he's going with this. Wikipedia and other recent web developments are a large part of why a growing number of voices critical of the administration are being heard. The rise in power of the blogosphere is due in a large part to the fact that your average blogger doesn't have some corporate sponsor to appease, and can really let out their point of view. The blogosphere even carried the story of his speech at the White House Correspondent's dinner after the major media by and large snubbed the story. I just don't see why he would bite the hand that feeds him...

Book Reviews

2006-08-16T19:52:00.000-04:00

I've created a second blog for book reviews here. Appropriately enough, I've begun with Watership Down. I hope you'll read it.

Fantasy News Report

2006-08-15T18:32:00.000-04:00

This is the transcript for a news broadcast that I thought up. Hopefully, it will read well. CAUTION: The following is an excellent example of morbid humor. If you just don't find dark humor funny at all, you'd better pass on this -

Reporter: This is Jane Johnson, reporting for channel 8 news in AnyTown. In breaking news, it appears that the serial killer known as the "Turn Signal Stalker" has struck again. For weeks now, the Turn Signal Stalker has preyed on the motorists in the area, slaughtering those inconsiderate enough not to use their car's turn signal to broadcast their intentions on the road. Victims have been run off the road and killed in a number of gruesome ways. In the first case, late last month, the turn signal was removed from the steering column and embedded in the victim's head. In a case earlier this month, a motorist speeding through interstate traffic, weaving in and out of different lanes without signaling to exasperated drivers where he was going, was nudged into a barrier and spun out into a ditch. Once there, the Turn Signal Stalker welded the doors and windows shut, then set the car ablaze with the victim still inside. Just last week, another victim who was caught not paying attention to incoming traffic was chased down by the killer. In a feat that still puzzles most electricians, the victim's cell phone was supercharged by being wired to his car battery. The phone's vibrate feature was activated, and the phone was then shoved up the victim's anus, past the colon. The killer then proceeded to call the victim repeadetly until he died of internal bleeding.

-Cut to video of a corpse slumped over a steering wheel. The corpse occasionally vibrates violently-

Jane: We go now to John Jackson, now at the scene.

-John stands at a stop sign facing a busy intersection. The road behind him has many cars passing by-

John: Thanks, Jane. Apparently the killer waited in hiding here, attempting to turn right. The victim was travelling on the busy road seen here, approaching the intersection from the left. The victim then turned in at the last moment, without using his turn signal. The killer, who must have missed his long-awaited opportunity to turn, was apparently enraged to the point of murder. As evidenced by these tire marks seen here, he made a quick U-turn and ran the victim off the road. I must warn you and the viewers, Jane. The footage you are about to see is shocking indeed.

-The camera follows John as he walks towards the victim's car. The victim's upper body has been shoved through the windshield, and he is sprawled out over the hood. Wires lead up from the cars headlights to the victims right ear, pushing into the skull. In place of his right eye, is the steadily blinking light from the car's right blinker.-

John: It's both gruesome and an engineering marvel. The Turn Signal Stalker is sending a message load and clear to motorists everywhere, Jane. And that message is this: "If you don't use your turn signal, I'm going to f-censored-ing kill you."

Jane: Thank you, John. Public reaction to the Turn Signal Killer has been mixed. While many are shocked by the killer's brutality, many more are saying "It's about time." Public use of turn signals has risen dramatically in the past few weeks, and many are saying it's a welcome change.
-Cut to citizen on the street-

Citizen: It's amazing. I'm able to go to work now in half the time that I used to. Now that I can count on predicting the actions of traffic around me, I can turn when I need to without worrying that some jackass is going to come running into me. I'm seeing now that even people backing out of parking spaces are using their turn signals. Why just this morning, I avoided a potentially dangerous situation by slowing down to allow someone who was obviously boxed in with limited visibility to pull out. I feel like the road is sane again. -looks into the camera- Thank you, Turn Signal Stalker.

-Cut to studio. Sharing the screen with Jane are several photos of smug, preppy-looking assholes.-

Jane: Reports have been coming out that the victims of these brutal killings are not being mourned by society. In many cases, friends and coworkers appear almost relieved to be rid of the victims.

-Cut to old woman in rocking chair-

Mother of victim #1 : Cecil wasn't the most obedient of children . He always had a chip on his shoulder that I knew was going to get him into trouble one of these days. Now, Biscuits, on the other hand, he's a good dog. I don't know what I'd ever do without him.

-Cut to young man with shaggy hair-

College roommate of victim #2: Oh, yeah. Bob. That dude was a dick. I couldn't keep any food in the room, or he'd eat it. I even put my name on the bag, and that dick would still snarf my Dorito's and pretend like he didn't know what was up.

-Cut to short Asian-American woman in office setting-

Coworker of victim #3: -Glares at camera- Ted? The only thing I know is this. After he died, the mysterious somebody who kept pissing all over the toilet seats in the bathroom suddenly stopped. Coincidence? I think not. How hard is it to aim for the bowl?

-Cut to young woman-

Girlfriend of victim #4: Do I miss him? Yeah, I guess. I mean, he wasn't Mr. Perfect, but he did have some thing going for him. -pauses, thinks hard- I mean, he couldn't satisfy me sexually, but ... -longer pause- ... well... -long pause, faces camera and shrugs-

-Cut to studio. A man in uniform is seated beside Jane. -

Jane: Hmm... no ringing endorsements for the victims. I have with me Sheriff Brown of the local police department. Sherrif, what steps do you plan on taking to catch this nefarious criminal?

Sheriff Brown: None, as far as I'm concerned. The man is a local hero. Crime is down, I mean way down. Road rage crimes have completely dropped off the map. Even crime that you wouldn't expect to go down, like gangs and drug use, is in decline. You'd be surprised at how much crime is committed as a result of incivility to our fellow man. People are nicer to each other, and as a result noone's fighting. Noone needs to get high anymore, because the overall quality of people's lives is improving. The drug market's totally dried up.

Jane: So you're not planning to find him?

Sheriff Brown: Oh, we will, alright. Someone's earned this "Citizen of the Year" award.

Jane: There you have it. I'm Jane Johnson, signing off.

Freckles

2006-08-15T18:17:00.000-04:00

This post is mainly to get a picture up here, but I may as well make mention this guy. This is Freckles, one of my rabbits, and one of the inspirations for my namesake. He's a very energetic little bunny. I believe the breed is known as a Mini-Rex, and his fur is very soft, much like velvet.

The "Natural Order"

2006-08-14T18:06:00.000-04:00

This is something that on the back of my mind that I've been meaning to discuss for some time.

Earlier this year, my wife informed me that our pet birds had recently birthed two new baby birds. Although I was slightly dismayed that there would be new pets to manage, I was more excited to see these new life forms and give them a good home. It wasn't too long after they were born, however, that differences between the two started to surface. One of them was larger and healthier than the other.

On the way to work one day, I went to check on the birds, and noticed that the smaller of the two had been kicked out of the nest, and was lying on the bottom of the cage, unnoticed by the others. A great sadness came over me. I knew what was going to happen regardless, but I still picked up the baby bird, and gently put him (or her - I never did know) back in the "nest" (which was a food dish filled with some cotton). I phoned my wife to tell her what I found, but nonetheless, by early afternoon, the bird had been kicked out again, and had died - naked, ugly, alone, unnamed and unloved on the cage floor. My wife buried the bird by our work. She had given it the name "Mousey", because of it's resemblance to a mouse. I thought that was fair enough, since it was sad to die without a name.

I won't say I was distraught, because I'd formed no real attachment to the bird. Nonetheless, I was filled with that overwhelming despairing sadness - that one that you get when you realize not only that are you going to die one day, you're lucky for being one of the few that gets to enjoy the life you do have. I realise that empathy is one of those traits that differs in intensity depending on the person, and I would say not everyone feels it for largely unintelligent (at least not sapient) animals, but it is not one of those things that you can control.

Which brings me to the rant. There are those who believe in a "natural order" to the world, and that it is perfect, and that human intervention is the cause for all suffering in the world. If only human beings were to be more like animals, we would have world peace and society would be perfect. These people are usually the same ones that have the bumper stickers on their car that explains everything away in saccharine little quips like "You can't hug your child with nuclear arms". I've got something to say to these people that's been brewing up for a while.

Mother Nature isn't perfect. In fact, she's a cold-hearted murderous bitch. She's worse than all of the serial killers, warlords, false prophets, and politicians of the world combined. Every day, human suffering worldwide is staggering, whether it's due to starvation, overpopulation, natural disaster, accidental, or human intervention. If you were to sit and dwell on everything that was happening worldwide, it would drive you mad. And that's just the human world - thankfully, because of our "interference", we've spared ourselves to a significant degree by some of the crueler forms of suffering (at least statistically speaking). In the animal kingdom, death most frequently comes in two forms: the slow death by starvation or dehydration, or the intensly painful death by predator - in many cases where the victim is eaten alive. The notion that evolution has brought about the "perfect" state of being is pathetically naive. Yes, evolution is an efficient process by which life develops and adapts to a hostile and changing environment, but only to one end: reproduction. Everything that has developed as a result of evolution has developed to serve only one of two ends:

1) Survival to the point of reproduction

2) Reproduction, preferrably producing a many offspring as possible to reach #1

That's it.

No quality of life gaurantees, happiness comes as a side effect if and only if it gets you to those two ends. The same nervous system that gives us the ability to react to danger from predators or to hunt prey is the same one that assures us that our final moments will be in most cases, agonizingly painful. There's no evolutionary incentive to a merciful death - because after dying, #1 and #2 aren't possible anymore. The same pangs that give you the drive to find food to survive torment you when there's none to be had. The same biological imperative to find a mate for reproduction or to bond with family or friends to ensure your survival leads to sadness and desolation when you lose the ones close to you, and are isolated.

This is not the perfect design. When the naturalists claim that human attempts at prolonging life, gene manipulation, or even efforts at immortality should not be tried, because it's not what nature intended, it makes me sick. Life, as we were given it, is cruel and arbitrary. As possessors of intellect and reasoning, it is not only our right, but our duty as beings capable of suffering to subjugate nature and wrest our destinies from its grasp. It got us this far, but we can take over from here.

I believe that one day death and suffering can be conquered. After all, what is suffering but impulses that are delivered to the brain designed to trigger a response? Sure, that response was necessary for our survival, but now that we possess reason, can we not control these impulses so that we can decide our reactions based on our intellect rather than our suffering? And death? Is it anything more than the deterioration of our genetic material after so much reproduction? Can't the effiency of the process be improved upon, our even our genetic material preserved for retrieval later? Isn't the key to immortality just a little improvement on the cell reproduction process that we already survive on? The concepts are out there, yes, but they're not beyond comprehension. At every turn, scientific advances are stopped by critics who say that the way things are is just fine. That intervention is going to cross Mother Nature, or God, and there will be some metaphysical backlash.

I don't care who it is. The job didn't get done right. Mother Nature exists to server only one end, and if it's God, then I'll take my chances. If God didn't want humans to work for the betterment of their species, He would have stopped us a long time ago. In case you were wondering, I was once a believer, but it eventually dawned on me that I didn't really believe there was a God - I just wanted so badly to believe that there was some being out that that would give justice to the world - something out there to do something about the fact that the innocent suffer, sometimes too unbearably for us to even concieve of it, that the wicked prosper, and to make sense of all the nameless madness out there - the wars that have been fought, the poeple we've loved that we'll never get back, and all the little unnamed birds that die alone.

But wishing and hoping won't make it happen - like the Green Day song, "wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up first". And the naturalists' answer is just another way of dodging the sad reality of it; it's an even sadder lie, because it says that everything's hunky-dorey the way it is. I've realised that if we're going to do anything about the suffering in the world, we're going to have to do it ourselves. It's kind of depressing, since we're so far from making things really change, but that's the way it is.

My new slogan for Election 2006!!!

2006-08-11T19:53:00.000-04:00

DON'T TAKE THIS SITTING DOWN! PUSH BACK!

Why the boldface? Why, it's actually an acronym. It stands for everything that's wrong with the current Republican run administration. It stands for:

Duke Cunningham
Oil
NSA Wire Taps
'
Tax Cuts for the Wealthy

Torture
Abramoff
Katrina
Enron

Terri Schiavo
Harriet Myers
Iraq
Social Security Privatization

Stem Cell Research
Inheritance Tax
Treatment of the Prisoners at Gitmo
Throwing out the Road Map to Peace in the Middle East
Immigration
Net Neutrality
Gay Marriage

Dubai Port Scandal
Outing Valerie Plame
WMD's
National Deficit
,

Patriot Act
Universal Health Care
Secret Prisons
Haliburton

Bye-Bye UN
Abu Ghraib
Campaign Finance Reform
Kyoto Protocol
!

Now, you may think to yourself, "31 letters! How am I supposed to remember what all of that stand for!". OK, I'll admit - it's a bit much to chew on. This administration has been so busy over the past 5 1/2 years, there's a lot of ground to cover. It's not often in history that the people are distracted from one scandal by another, only to be interrupted by another, up to the point that we've forgotten some of the things that made us mad in the first place. For now, just consider the fact that a 31 letter acronym is needed to keep track of everywhere this party went wrong. Let's just touch on each point breifly, shall we, and see how the tenants of our democracy were dismantled in the interest of protecting the status quo of the rebuplic:

Duke Cunningham

This prominent California congressman, pled guilty to accepting at least $2.4 million dollars in bribes from defense contractors. A good place to start.

Oil

Do you know that while the oil companies are posting records profits from gouging you at the pump, they're also receiving tax breaks and subsidies from the government thanks to our energy policies? But hey, when you've got freinds in high places, why play fair?

NSA Wiretapping

First it was only overseas calls, and then it was announced, that yes, they're tracking our domestic calls as well. It's warrantless and it's illegal. Not worried because you've got nothing to hide from Big Brother? Let them invade your lives until you've got a chip in your neck. You would wonder where it all went wrong, if such thoughts weren't banned for being revolutionary.

Tax Cuts for the Wealthy

Sure, the war is expensive. But Bush doesn't want his best freinds paying for it. Leave that to the help.

Torture

The President and Vice President are chomping at the bit to make torture not only legal but public policy. After Congress passed a bill banning torture, good ol' George made sure to add his signing statements to the bill indicating that he'll obey those rules when and if he feels like it. Not only does torture fly in the face of everything that makes us human - it puts our soldiers at risk. It says to our enemies: "Do what you will to our boys if you get a hold of them, because we sure as hell ain't gonna show any mercy to you animals".

Abramoff

Just how many Congressman were paid off by this Republican lobbyist with the money he bilked from Indian casinos? Funny - that investigation hasn't made much progress. They can't be expected to investigate themselves, can they?

Katrina

Was it racism, neglect, or incompetence? How about all three. This administration won in 2004 on the promise that it was the best to keep us safe. Unless you didn't vote for them - then you can go fuck yourself.

Enron

One on the major contributors to the Republican Party, Enron now stands as the symbol of corporate greed gone amuck. After bilking the company for all it was worth, it's leaders were sitting pretty while shareholders went bankrupt and employees lost their pension plans. Too bad Lay died in his cushy Aspen home before he even served a day in jail for it.

Terri Schiavo

The outspoken opponents of Big Government sure swooped in to cash in on a chance to get a little PR by exploiting the gut-wrenching conflict between Michael Schiavo and the parents of Terri Schiavo over what her wishes were when faced with life in a vegetative state with no hope of recovery. The public reaction was clear - this was a private matter where the government should have interfered.

Harriet Myers

It shows just how little Bush respects the judicial process in this nation when he proposed his personal attourney with no judicial experience to serve on the highest court in the land - a lifetime appointment, as well.

Iraq

I don't even know where to start. It was a colossal mistake to begin with, but it could've been done right if there had been any degree of planning. If we had real international support, made a plan for peace, and really did try to win the hearts and minds of the people instead of rushing to protect the oil fields first, we might have made a difference for the better in Iraq. Our soldiers, some of the most courageous men and women who've made the ultimate sacrifice for their nation, have been betrayed by the incompetence of this administration.

Social Security Privatization

Socail Security's going down the tubes, what are we going to do? Let's let the rich pull their money out so they don't loose their money! Brilliant!

Stem Cell Research

Unfertilized embryoes left over from in vitro fertilization experiments are sacred. Good luck with your cancer, by the way.

Inheritance Tax

Let's repeal the tax that only affects the upper echelon of society. Becuase it's high time single mothers paid their share.

Treatment of Prisoners at Gitmo

You're not prisoners of war. You're illegal combatants. That's one degree below dogshit. We'll investigate your guilt or innocence when we damn well feel like it. We have to do this in the interests of preserving democracy.

Throwing out the Road Map to Peace in the Middle East

At one point, it seemed like there might, just might, be a hope for peace. Well, that boat has sailed. Maybe we'll come back to it after Amrageddon.

Immigration

We need to protect our borders! How can our country be safe from terrorists when our borders are unprotected!? Let's build a wall. But only on the southern border, cause everyone knows terrorists only travel in a northern direction.

Net Neutrality

The internet is not a dump truck. And the telcos aren't rich enough. Watch what happens to unpopular opinions on the internet as soon as telecoms can determine what packets have priority and what gets lost along the way. I predict that all relevant political dialogue will be filed under the category "404 Not Found".

Gay Marriage

Marriage is a sacred institution that must be protected. On even years. It's the trump card the Republicans pulled to get that last push to the polls. And after they've gotten the conservative Christians to vote, they spend the next two years thanking their real sponsors - big corporations. But they'll be sure to mention moral issues the next time there's an election.

Dubai Port Scandal

It is absolutely imperative that we give control of our ports over to Dubai. We need more guys at the southern border.

Outing Valerie Plame

Whoops! Did we just give out your little secret and betray the identity of one of our CIA operatives? Guess your husband never should've opened his mouth about the war. People, don't believe for one single minute that it ended with Scooter Libby. He's just the only one that's going to have to answer for it.

WMD's

The entire justification of the Iraq war. A smokescreen.

National Deficit

For a breif shining moment, after years of hard work, we'd finally balanced the budget. There was even a surplus. So much for that. By the way, after your social security's gone, don't count on your grandkids taking care of you. They'll be pissed that you stuck them with the bill.

Patriot Act

I wonder what our founding fathers would think if they found out the act that reenacted all of the encroachments on liberty that they fought so hard against had been named after them. They'd kick our asses if they knew.

Universal Health Care

Health Care costs are out of control and millions of Americans are uninsured. The solution? Refuse to give insurance providers the right to negotiate prices with the pharmaceutical companies. They're better citizens than you anyway. They give us more money.

Secret Prisons

What the hell is going on there if Gitmo is the prison that you do see?

Haliburton

I thought this war was costing us a fortune. How is it that we're awarding no-bid contracts to Haliburton? How can it be anything other than government sponsored pillaging for the Vice President's old buddies? Who are we fighting this war for, really??!

Bye-Bye UN

So long. It was nice while it lasted, but we're striking out on our own. What's that? We've totally dismantled the credibility it took years to build? Not our problem anymore. By the way, could you give us a hand? This crisis has gotten totally out of hand.

Abu Ghraib

When the calls came for Rumsfeld's retirement, his complicit part in this human rights debacle explained to the rest of the world just how little our leaders though of them.

Campaign Finance Reform

Why should I reform? I got in office so I could make money for the next election! A little gerrymandering here and there, and I'm set for life.

Kyoto Protocol

Back before Bush told the UN he didn't give a care what they thought, he was giving them a taste of what was to come by telling the world it could combat global warming without us.

Surprisingly, there's still some that got left out. Can't let this list grow on forever.

Tips jars

2006-08-08T19:12:00.000-04:00

This is a rant that's been a long time coming.

You know the little tip jars that they put out in some fast food joints or pizza parlors? The kind where you walk up to the counter, order your food, pick it up, and take it back to your seat to eat it. It bugs the crap out of me when I see these things.

The implication is that the work being performed is deserving of a tip in the same way that waiting a table in a full service or even a casual dining restuarant does. The same questions always go through my head. Why do you want a tip? For getting my pizza out of the oven? Why do you think you should get the same reward as the waiter or waitress who seats me, takes my order, brings my drinks out to me, makes sure they're full, and checks on me after I've gotten my food? I've waited tables before, and it sucks. It's hard work, and you have to have to bust your ass to get those tips. Not only that, but it is your sloe source of income. Sure, you draw an hourly wage that equates to half that of minimum wage, but the expectation is that you make a living off of your tips. So why should you get a tip when you already make a full hourly rate and you do a fraction of the work?!?!

So, you may ask, what do you care? Why don't you just not tip?

Of course, I will tip. It's not that I'm sympathetic or even charitable. It's that I'm completely vain. I don't what anyone thinking I'm a cheapskate. You may think that's a stupid attitude to take, but you know I'm not alone in this. A tip is not just a request for a reward for service. Not here, at least. It's an hidden little declaration of social status between you, the tipee, and whoever else may be watching. You're saying "I'm a generous kind of guy" or "I'm a cheapskate who can't afford it". Even if you don't care what the person serving you thinks about you, you want to be sure some teenager's not spitting in your food because they feel underappreciated. And I'll make damn sure that if I put money in the tip jar, they'd better see it.

But here's the note to all you restaurant owners out there. If I'm going to your restaturant, and I'm picking up my own damn food and taking it back to my seat, if I see a tip jar - I'll tip, but I'm not coming back. If I wanted the hassle of calculating a tip, I'd go down to a sit-down restaurant. I care here to get something cheap to eat, and the little tip jar is another hidden cost.

Lamont v. Lieberman

2006-08-08T18:31:00.000-04:00

The big issue today is the Connecticut primary between Ted Lamont and Joe Lieberman.

For those of you not in the know, Joe Lierberman is a Democratic senator for Connecticut whose seat is up for election this November. He's being challenged for the Democratic party nomination by Ted Lamont (the real election comes later, but with liberal-leaning Connecticut, the winner of the Democratic primary is a shoe-in for the Senate seat). The election's happening today and the latest polls show Lamont in the lead.

So why is this a big deal?

Well, consider the fact that an incumbent (i.e. currently serving) senator is strongly favored to win an election (even in cases where the state generally favors the opposite political party, and this is even more extreme when it comes to the primaries - if Lieberman loses this primary, he will only be the fourth senator since *1980* to do so.

Why is he Lieberman trailing now when the odds say he should win? Because he's been the Republican's favorite Democrat. He's been the most prominent supporter of the Iraq war in the Democratic party, and has sided with (or rolled over for) the Republican-controlled administration on a number of key issues. In short, the accusation is that he's the go-to guy that the Republican's turn to, when they want to propose a controversion piece of legislation and appear bi-partisan.Take a look at Lamont's challenge to Lieberman here.

Personally, I'm hoping Lamont will win. I don't really have an issue with anyone crossing party lines - it's just that in this particular case, Lieberman crosses lines on issues that I strongly care about, like the war in Iraq and the warrantless NSA wiretapping. If he does, Lieberman's threatening to run as an independent, which could split the vote for the Democratic party and hand the vote to the Republican candidate (then he'd really be living up to his reputation).

This whole thing brings up two interesting questions?

1) Why is the incumbency reelection rate so high in this country? Shouldn't the incumbent be expected to defend his seat against challengers from both sides every year?

2) Is it wrong to cross party lines? If you're elected as a representative of a certain party, shouldn't you act in the interests of that party?

These are complex questions. I'll try to present my take on both.

Certainly the reelection rate for incumbents is too high in this country. It leads to congressman who are unaccountable to their constituents, increasingly out of touch, and in some cases, batshit insane (see Ted Stevens). The only legitimate reason that I can see to continue to vote for an incumbent even when opposed to their platform is that the people who are in Congress the longest tend to have the most power, and tend to bring home the most pork (again, see Ted Stevens. You can find him in the dictionary under "government corruption").

As for crossing party lines, that's a tough one. Certainly some of the party lines are drawn arbitrarily. How many people do you know who agree with everything that the Republican party stands for or eveything the Democratic party stands for? On the other hand, if you're elected representing one set of ideals, and uphold an entirely different set when in office, you're a hyppocrite. I would say that as long as you clearly state where your affiliations lie when you run, and run with the party that represents them best, then you're doing the right thing.

I think in this case, though, Lieberman is getting what's coming to him.

Making Intoductions

2006-08-07T18:18:00.000-04:00

I'm beginning this blog because more than one friend of mine keeps telling me that I need to, so I've finally caved. More than that, I need some outlet to vent. But you don't know me yet. So let's begin with the introductions.

First, the name - the Rabbert Hole. Rabbert is a good place to start explaining who I am. It is, naturally, a combination of "Rabbit" and Scott Adams' hilarious comic strip "Dilbert". I am both an animal lover and a computer nerd. I don't believe Scott Adams has introduced a "Rabbert" into the Dilbert series, but if he has, I hope to God he doesn't sue me (I didn't know!). A quick breakdown of both parts:

Animal Lover

I do love all the little fuzzy creatures in the world, particularly rabbits. There's something there, in their timid little lives that I sympathize with or perhaps even identify with. It is terrifying to me to imagine a life which consists entirely of avoid or running from predators until the day you die, but there is something noble about that as well - to be the prey and to refuse to rise to the position of those that cause grief in your life (I realise this less a choice in the animal kingdom than it is just a fact of biology, but that doesn't change the kinship I feel). I very much like the rabbit society that Richard Adams descibed in his book Watership Down. In that novel, rabbits have an elaborate mythology to explain how things wound up the way they were. In their mythology, they were the most prolific of all animals and quickly grew out of control, eating all of the food in the world, and so they were cursed by the sun god to be hunted for all eternity by the predators of the world their arrongance. But, because the sun god felt pity for them, he made them swift and clever, so that though they would be hunted, they would never die. There's even a rabbit folk hero, El-Ahrairah (in the rabbit language, the Prince of a Thousand Enemies). Perhaps, I'll review that book in a seperate post. For now, you can just assume that I feel a kinship to rabbits. Also, I have two for pets.

Nerd Life

I'm a nerd, a long with everything that comes with that. There's a stereotype for nerds that's startingly accurate, and I'm certainly guilty of living up to the stereo type. I work at a software company, I have an obsession with video games, I'm terrible at sports, I love Japanese culture and animation, etc. I love sci-fi and fantasy novels, including Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series (there's a lot of really great Adams' out there). Eventually, I'll write some video game and book reviews as a guide to the finer aspects of nerd life, but you pretty much know what to expect.

My Character Flaw

I have a great flaw, that is in part the reason why I am making this blog, and that is that I get very, very, angry. I seem to be angrier than just about anybody I know, and I'm finding that I'm angry *all the time*. I'm angry at the state of the world, I'm angry at the government, I'm angry at the technology that I work with, and the people run into. I'm know I'm going to end up as a crotchety old man, shouting at kids to get off my damn lawn. I even find that in the absence of anything to get angry at, I start fantasizing at situations where I would be good and pissed off. On more than one occasion, I've been driving somewhere with my wife, when after some moments of silence, she'll ask me why I look so pissed off, and I'll have to confess that I was living out some fantasy confrontation in my head with some jackass who was talking on their cellphone and didn't signal their turn, so I lost my opportunity to get on the highway - all of 15 miles ago.

This quickly terrifies anyone who doesn't know me well, and sees me get angry for the first time. I raise my voice. I clench my teeth. I tighten my fists. Blood flushes to my face. I pull my hair. I curse the sun and the moon and all of the stars in the sky, and the unholy injustice of it all in every foul combination of the English language. I stutter with fury. I'm also not the little guy that I was (and still subconciously see myself as) in middle school, so the fact that I'm a big guy only adds to that.

The people that do know me well, however, love to get a rise out of me. That's because they know that as angry as I get, I can never turn my rage directly to another human being. For some sick and twisted convention of fate or Providence, my anger amuses my friends. I can't seem to convince them that no, it's not an act, and yes, at this moment I really do hate you with every fiber of my being, but still, it's there.

So hopefully, I can turn all of this bottled up bile and vitriol into something that will amuse not just my freinds, but perfect strangers as well. And maybe, a little venting every now and then will help me to get past the demons that haunt me.

Well, that's enough about that for now. I'll start bitching about specific things later, but for now I'm done.